Pain

When a person is under the influence of pain there isn't much they want to do, at least for me that is true. I must say that healing is going very well at this time. The open wound has been steadily getting smaller for the past three to four weeks. What an improvement since the end of October of 2011, praise God for that. I haven't felt much like writing or even being on the internet in the past few weeks, even though I thought I would be back, I found myself basically contemplating about many things. Most of all I have enjoyed my dogs companionship when I haven't felt well. The pooch sensed when I was out of sorts and hurting more than usual he would stay even closer.

That reminded me of how much God and Jesus are truly close to us when we seem far away and out of sync because of illness. I began contemplating this closeness in a different way and found my prayers had also changed with this as well. It's as if I was discovering something new about how to pray. I also began to understand that everything happens in Gods time and not ours. When he wants things to be acomplished he makes it happen, not when we try to force the issue. I feel like I was recharged spiritually with this illness and this paticular time period. Maybe that is what I needed to learn with this illness. To discover a new depth of contemplation along with understanding how much God truly loves us all.

Blessings

Would it be possible to start this whole year all over again? Would the outcome be any different if I chose to have done things differently? As I have pondered these things I have come to the conclusion that it is part of God's plan in how it all turned out. Accepting HIS plan regarding how life has turned out can be an amazing thing. Looking at things in a positive way helps in keeping hope alive as things don't always go well at times.

Like trying to keep a log of blood pressure when the machine takes umpteen times to even record a pressure. That can be frustrating along with a painful arm from having to squeeze the daylights out of it to obtain a blood pressure reading. What makes matters worst is I'm only allowed to use one arm since they took out lymph nodes in the other. No blood draws or blood pressure from the left side. I sometimes wonder if my body has finally gone the route of dysfunctional.

The healing process is a very slow one for me. I am grateful when I hear how others have recovered wonderfully from beginning to end. Realizing how unique my situation is and how lucky I am to have been given this time to focus more on faith, love and hope along with being with my parents as they face their own difficulties with health. I see how caring for me has taken a huge toll on them and how tired they are during the day. Seeing my dad slowly doing less and seeing my mom worry over how he is doing. She keeps her spirits up knowing one day he will be gone from her, yet she doesn't let on how it affects her. I know it bothers me when I see my dad eat less and then doesn't want to walk or move around because of pain. How it seems as if he is wasting away not using his muscles. The elderly have a difficult life when they too are ill and not in shape to care for themselves.

I sometimes wonder how my mom does it without getting angry. Her faith is much more stronger than mine, even when she says to me my faith is very strong. I know this morning even though things aren't going so well I chose to remind myself that things will get better and looked forward to a brighter future if it is God's plan for my life. When my mom and myself have conversations, she always manages to say she would not trade places with me because of all that I have gone through with this cancer. She feels I have been through the proverbial ringer with this one. I must admit it has been quite an experience. If I had to go through it again, I would.

Well they say life is not easy and that's the truth. Loving God is easy when life goes smoothly but when the trials begin finding love for God can sometimes be difficult. Looking at our own relationships with our spouses, children or siblings sometimes we find love difficult when we don't feel good or feel slighted from those we love. Sometimes it's the same with God, we often ask if he is there when we are down. As much as we read and hear from others, that is when he is carrying us and is the closest. I know from this illness and treatment that I didn't always see things clearly or know how loved I was by others until it was pointed out.

I think that is why they stress keeping faith alive and strong when going through cancer treatments along with keeping a positive attitude can beat the odds. My hope for today is that others will see the love God has for them through the eyes of others. May those who read this today be blessed by another with a hug and a smile.

Painful Moments

Discovering imperfection is not easy, my mom explained how medicine can affect how we perceive different things. The past few days while doing the rosary in the evening, my dads voice has been monotone to the point that it was beginning to irritate my senses as we were progressing. I didn't understand how the chemotherapy has affected not only my stomach with nausea but my senses as well. I have grown concerned and very apologetic over the odd behavior that has come about. I have prayed for patience in a time when my patience is thin from illness and not feeling very well, I have prayed for more love for my parents as I struggle each day trying to hold down what little is in me of food and concern over what is happening physically. I pray that each time nothing dire will happen but find it pointless as the body will go through what it has too.

I ask God's constant pardon and forgiveness when I can't comprehend why it is all happening. I read the Bible and seek guidance to find verses that proclaim curses and I want to cry out why, why, why. Nothing at this time is familiar to me as I wage this battle with the body. The bathroom has become my best friend and so has my bed for comfort as I lay there praying to take it all away or aid me as I try to deal with it all. These are my painful moments as my belly becomes painful with spasms. I don't want to call the doctors and bother them unless it's dire. But today it became so when nothing would stay down and then the low grade temp sets in. I don't know how some people actually deal with it all when confronted with so many obstacles and keep their head about themselves along with their faith.

As I sit here and let out these moments of grief I look at the best picture of them all, that of Jesus to be my constant strength, his look of love says it all for me and I continue to plod along and hope tomorrow will be a better day.

Jesus

Something came over me today to grab the picture that was miraculously saved from the fire. I took it down from the wall and held it, in those moments I took it upstairs with the strangest intent to show it to someone, yet that never came about. I carried the picture with me around the house and then I brought it back downstairs and placed it on the wall.

I am gazing at the picture of Jesus that has the look of come to me with his hands outstretched and smiling sweetly at the moment as I write this. I can only think that the whole purpose of what came over me was to provide me with his unconditional love with my looming procedure coming up on Wednesday. I felt reassured about his love and care for me.

He gave me his life, he took mine and gave it back to me. How is it that throughout this time since he has chosen me for his own, I always find those moments that he provides the simplest and basic way of getting his point across about his love and to trust in that love. No matter what trials are sent my way, it is with hope that the trust of Jesus will always shine amid the problems as he did today. There may not be an answer to the problems but he will give support in an unusual way to allow time to progress where the answer will come in his time.

I sometimes wonder if my eyes mirror the love that I see in Jesus and if it is reflected back to him as my heart longs always for his love.

Hanging In There

One must admit when things occur in life that causes changes it prompts us to reflect. Recently I have been watching the television about the tornadoes that came through our area, seeing the devastation and the help that people are receiving. It's wonderful, the help that is, not the devastation.

Being without Internet for a few days had made an inpact in my own personal reflection because I began to read more than I did before. I think this time it brought home more than reflection but more on change in my own life itself. I also had a visitor that I do an hour of Adoration with, she brought me a book on food for fighting cancer since she also has a family member herself who is undergoing her own battle but with a different type. Henrietta also goes to many prayer and healing services for her family. She brought with her the glove that belonged to Padre Pio. She prayed over me several times already for healing. I appreciated that very much.

Henrietta stopped by on Saturday evening and brought over the Holy Spirit Novena to do. I thought that was wonderful. Sometimes it takes illness and things to happen for us to see how much people really do care. That was part of the reflections I was undergoing, was seeing that no matter how difficult my life may have been, there are people out there that care and would like to see healing occur and life to get back on track.

More than anything I would love to do so much more and give in many different ways. Being more open about my own personal encounter with the Eucharist. Sharing God's love even more to others. If this is what God asks of me, then who am I to deny him. Maybe that is why this illness was given in the first place to open myself even more deeply of his love for me. To take these moments and allow myself to see him through others as well. Even when I try not to worry about the financial part, I must learn to trust in that department as well as trusting him with my life and the healing that will come in time.

His love is great and so is his mercy. I have noticed that my blood sugar has been so much better as well throughout this time, I think that is wonderful and I thank God for giving me this time to correct some needed correction.

Word of God

Had my doctors appointment Monday morning, where he not only took out some stitches, but put in more after cleaning out what was not healing. I have found myself more tender from that day than the last time he did it. I also found out that it may be possible to end up with having chemotherapy in a few weeks. It was a tough day when I went to work, between hurting and being a bit frightened of what is coming it was just too much. It wasn't a good 1st week back at all. The heat is tiring along with the uncertainty of finding myself on the outside rather than the inside.

I went back to Adoration for the first time yesterday as well. A wonderful hour, but I also found myself tired same as when I went to Mass this morning, my blood sugar was good but was very tired when I came home. I ended up sleeping for three hours. Those moments like that are not just at work as I have mentioned they occur doing minimal things. But I suppose it's to be expected that it will take time to heal.

I remember this morning at Mass I couldn't help recall those few times when the Eucharist came alive on my tongue. It was those moments of memory that came through to reinforce Jesus's presence in my life in those moments when he was so very alive. I will never forget how that felt or how wonderful it was to know that particular Grace was meant for me. These memories are what sustain me as I face these trials. Memories that I love to share and reveal to those who need to know that Jesus is very much alive in the Eucharist. It shouldn't take a trial in our lives to bring us closer to God to begin with. We should have that relationship as we have begun to grow up when we were learning as children, from our parents and teachers. Anyway, for me this morning was good in that regard. Because God is love in every sense of the Word. Even when we hear the Word of God.

Dinner Table Discussions

How often at the dinner table does one hear of an admission of faith? For the majority not many, but then again behind household doors of families those things are not always revealed to others.

But since the time of my personal Eucharistic miracle I have found that revealing those moments of grace have brought a greater awareness of faith for myself and my family. In these past few months of illness regarding cancer, it has brought something amazing within my family. My parents and family, I'm sure have found themselves worried about how it all will play out, but I know their faith is strong.

It was raining around supper time yesterday, so while eating it was odd for me to declare while looking outside that there was going to be a rainbow. It just seemed as if the sun was going to shine, so I stepped outside and saw a faint rainbow directly in front of the house just above the tree line. When I came back in I told my parents to look out the window and then my mom stated she had asked for a rainbow as a sign that I would be alright. We all gave thanks to God for his love and especially for giving my mom her answer.

Since so much has gone on within my life with our Lords presence and with my parents faith as well it was a welcome sight to see because God is love in every sense of the word and I believe with all my heart that he gave my mom what she asked for out of his love for mankind as well as for our family. There are no doubts when God's love speaks so strongly in our lives.

Prayer Life

What does one do on days when reading can be nearly impossible or focusing on ideas or whats going on in life? For me the answer is prayer. Not the routine prayers but soul deep prayers that speak with the heart. Having this time during recuperation gave me deeper moments of spending time with our Lord and Blessed Mother especially when I have been unable to drive myself or be out for very long periods without extreme tiredness.

Giving myself to their love and care has opened up so much about my faith with this trial I am undergoing. It's not easy to forget what has happened or what will happen next but I am sure that with God's love he will get me through it. Always remembering that it's not about me but about God and his love for mankind. His giving up his own son for our salvation keeps me forever in His debt even when mine is haywire but the price is worth it, that of following Jesus with all my heart, mind and soul and body. I am his and his alone.

Thankful

I am thankful at this time for what life I have been given by our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. For the blessing his Blessed Mother bestows on us. Recalling what our Lord went through for our freedom from sin, all I can do is sit and ponder the graces that were given when we are overcome with our own times of trial.

I realize it has been awhile since writing, but so has it been awhile to finally come around without much pain from the surgery. It has been a slow process but a thankful one. Time spent in a constant state of sleep. Recently that state has finally come down to more awake time. I am grateful at this time for the surgeons who did the surgery to be able to remove the cancer. Now afer this healing will be the next round of chemotherapy treatment. But if my beloved Jesus can go through so much for us, then I'm sure with his love and support I can get through this.

I have that is, I have this time to dwell on things I have come to see more and more that I love God with all that I have. The heavenly family has captured my heart so totally.

Eucharistic Miracles

After I showed my Eucharistic pictures to Fr. Dorsch, he had asked me if I had read the book on Eucharistic Miracles. Sad to say at the time I had not. I had heard of the famous ones but that is all. After a brief period of time, I went to St. Anne's Shrine, Fiskdale, Ma to the gift shop to get a copy, but they didn't have one. Luckily the shop manager ordered a book. This book has enlightned me as to all the special gifts that God has done for a very long time and I 'm only half way through the book at this time. Even though mine is insignificant to the world, to me it is an immense personal gift of love from our Lord. One that gave me so much in the way of the Face of Jesus and so much more. Throughout the years I never once realized the depth of this gift nor the importance of it. Sometimes I still wonder why I was given such a grace to begin with. When I moved upstairs to my old bedroom, I brought with me some very special items of faith. A room that has become a sanctuary of sorts. As I have reflected on so much about life and how mine has evolved, faith has always been on the forefront. But since that moment of grace, the Eucharist became a big part of my life. Sad to say though, my moments in front of the Blessed Sacrament have been on the short side due to tiredness. When I spend those brief moments all my focus is on Jesus and the thankfullness of the cancer that is within me and the illnesses I have to keep me ever faithful. When I saw my Doctor for clearance for surgery he said it was okay to cry, I told him after finding out about my recent diagnosis I cried once and looked to heaven and asked why this too when I struggle so much already. Since that one time, I have not cried nor have I felt bad about it, oddly I have been at peace with it and continue to smile. I remember asking our Lord that if there were any black marks within my heart and soul to root them out or if my body had any imperfections or bad things growing to take them out. I see this as God's way of removing the gunk that seemed to have taken root. It is taking this stage in my life as a way to continually cleanse my heart and soul to keep my body in constant preparation for the indwelling of his Love. If I accidentally let something in that needs to be gotten rid off then I thank God for bringing me forward and bringing healing and grace.

All About Love

The last blog post of a song was quite a surprise for me, it took sometime for me to absorb the enormity of what was received. The past few weeks have been hard ones in the way of what has been occuring in my life. News received in the mail that has me searching for a second job to pay for possible unexpected issues. Questions I have been dealing with interiorly about the past, the present and the future. One of those had to do with words received these past few years among other things.

So after a day spent in community with my brothers and sisters in Christ that night I slept and woke to those awesome words. When I did hear the song and dwelled on the words in it, I knew I was given a special blessing in quite an answer to those silent questions that were weighing down my heart. It is also his way of letting me know he is never far away from me. He knows my heart and those moments of struggle. I love how God responds in such a simple fashion. He will always be the first in my heart. I have chosen HIM to be mine above all else.

Gadgets

I was given over a period of time some gift cards to use for whatever I wanted. I never used them, so they accumulated, I finally did go and get an item out of it and found that it has aided me tremendously in enriching my faith a hundred fold. How can a gadget do that? Well, for one thing I use it for spiritual music, photos of the Eucharist. I can carry it everywhere I go and touch base when the need arises to focus upon what brought me to where I am today.

But then again as a contemplative person all it takes is a moment to focus the thought on God and keep the path clear as well. Sometimes the gadgets we buy can be used to aid the faith or take it away. I chose to use mine to aid my faith. I think that also using this blog is way to express my faith and share the gift of God's presence in my life as well. Letting His will be mine on a daily basis allows me to be closer to him. I love God with all my being and I would not have it any other way.

When a person gets a taste of Heaven and what God loves there is no other way to live than with the best of what God provides and that is His love. Reading His Word brings about his likes and dislikes, a great place to start to get to know Him.

My Treasure

After a very long tiring day there isn't much I care to do once I get home, other than take care of the laundry or dishes, the needed things that do need to be done. Tonight was a bit different after I did what needed to be done, I finally sat and relaxed for a bit. Oscar sat on my lap while I waited for the computer to load up.

Those moments of time allowed for the perfect timing of saying the Angelus and then the Liturgy of Hours. It was nice and comfortable once it was all done and I was ready to finally get going to do the online stuff, but I felt a tug in my thoughts to take Oscar out and get the mail instead. So off we went, as we approached the house on the deck side, I heard a strange sound in the woods. I thought wow the neighbors are doing something different. I brought Oscar in the house, then I came back out and walked slowly toward the back to see what was making the noise.

I don't think I was quite prepared for what I saw as I rounded the bushes. Off to the side was a deer making the noise, I paused as we both looked at each other. I turned and went silently back toward the house around the bushes watching and listening to the deer blowing and grunting. It was odd how, when I brought Oscar around the house to the deck that the deer made itself known at that time as if to say look I'm here for you. For the brief time out there and looking and listening I knew in my heart that was a moment I was given an answer to a desire of my heart to see a deer.

I did go back into the house to have my parents hear the deer but no sound came. I went back outside and quietly went to see, but found the deer completely gone, nowhere in the area or even in the distant area could the deer be seen. Gone as if vanished, odd because when we do get to see them and they move around or speed up and go we usually see them in the vicinity but further away. Whether or not it was a God moment for me I know in my mind and heart that it was God's way of saying look I'm here for you when you need me all you have to do is seek me with the desire of your heart and I will be there.

That for me at least is an awesome God to give such love on a grand scale.

The Good News

Scripture Sharing is all about the good news of the Lord. A chance to reflect on God's Word in our everyday life and in preparation for upcoming Mass. A time where others gather and share their insights and their blessings from the Word received. How the Good News has impacted their life.

Sometimes we relay the antics regarding situations in our daily life as they unfold with the Gospel readings. Hearing what transpires in these peoples lives help me to see the beauty of God at work. How much many live lives of faith and follow the way of God in tune and in harmony with his plan. In those moments I feel I fall so short in what they seem to flawlessly achieve and perceive by way of faith.

How is it that I feel like I don't measure up to anyones high expectations. I'm just me with limited talents. Yet, I was given a tremendous gift to share, which I did with a friend last evening. Also a part of what was in the scripture about what comes out of our mouths. Speaking about witnessing what God provided. Each time I mention what has transpired in my life about what I have seen the more it feels right to do so. Speaking on a personal basis has been the difficult part through the years, for many reasons but also because of the persecution that occurs afterward. Persecution from the workforce and from the family of faith can be daunting at times. It's not an easy life to follow when God gives special graces or choses one for a mission.

That's usually par for the course as a Christian to suffer persecution after all Jesus suffered most of all. He died on the Cross and also forgave his persecutors. He loved His neighbor until the end. Am I no different that when I am persecuted for my faith, can I not love as Jesus did unconditionally and pray for their souls.

I am not alone in the suffering of persecution as others have gone through much just because they are different in looks or the way they speak. The true evilness of the world is persecution because it lacks faith, hope and love in our neighbor.

New Month

Where did January go? It seems that we had just celebrated the Holidays and now we are in the beginning of the second month of February in the year of our Lord 2010. A month that has a day of celebration of love on Valentines day. We had the reading yesterday that many pick for part of their wedding package. The second reading from 1 Corinthians 12:31-13:13 that has "Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, it is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails," these words are placed in cards as well for those who love.

Upon reflecting these words from Sundays reading, I took a good look in my own life and asked many questions of myself. Do I love this way? Am I patient with my family and those around me? Am I kind to my family and those who I encounter? Have I been jealous at any time when others have been rewarded or have found something I may not have? Do I puff myself up as if I am more important than my neighbor? Is my ego inflated because I have more than those who have less? Am I rude to my family and those around me? Do I seek my own interest rather than my neighbors best interest? Do I get angry easily? Have I brooded over injuries? Have I rejoiced over a wrongdoing? These have all been good questions to see if the love I have for my neighbor and myself are on the up and up. But the greatest question I asked myself also was about these questions and my relationship with God.

I look deeply into these questions and see if I also have been patient to my loving God, since he responds in his own time regarding prayer and questions that may have not been answered. Have I been kind to him? And the list went on. Our relationship with family and friends and the love we say we have, the answers would have been easy. But if we also asked them about our personal relationship with God how then would those answers be? I know how mine came out, do any of you know how those questions may have been answered for yourself. It's possible that we would see that there are areas that need some correcting. Give it try and ponder the gifts of love. Maybe we would find that not only in our daily relationships we would work harder at giving love, but also find that we need to work even harder on loving God.

Mistakes

I've noticed more and more lately I've been making mistakes not in my typing but in my phrasing of the sentence. How truly odd it is that what is in the mind and typing don't always come out the same when not looking at it. For some reason when it was finished I would touch the publish button after reading along and making minor corrections on the way without re-reading the whole of it. Lesson that I learned of late is to recheck before making the next move. It avoids those errors but it also helps in making those adjustments that when in the mind is clear but in text is unclear. Aw but in those delightful moments of clarity of thought, the Holy Spirit teaches quite well when listening to those promptings. A fool for God I may be, but a glad one all the same. So to those who have been reading lately and finding some weird sentences, I do apologize. I don't mind being God's fool when it helps his Kingdom see his love even from this simple person.

Light A Candle #2

God is always generous in giving His love. This morning upon waking those song words, light a candle to start a new dawn were once again present. The words are from a song called "Light A Candle" that is sung by Daniel ODonnell. This morning was a treasure, since lately my listening has been mostly on the albums "Signatures" by John Michael Talbot and his other one "Meditations In The Spirit."

I was thinking too about confessions and what makes a good one. Quite sometime ago, months I think it was, when I went and was told I made a good confession. That happened to me a few times when I was told that. It had me thinking about how I did those particular confessions to merit those words from the Priest at the end. And all I can think, when I was relating my sins I was forming the words as if I were speaking directly to God himself, but upon reflection I think it may also had to do with how truly sorry we are when we are relating those sins. For the truth of our sorrow to be heard by the Priest. Or was it the Priest himself, who just happened to be one in unity with our Lord? I wonder if others have also experienced the depth of confession that evokes this response from the Priest.

Anyway, I went to Mass yesterday afternoon to hear such a delightful heartfelt prayers by a Priest during Adoration prior to Mass. I think that was the highlight of my day to know of his love for the Eucharist. That is always a pleasure to see a beacon burning bright, almost like the song itself.

Pilgrimage

What a blessing today was! It not only was delightful weather wise, the whole day was grace filled. A pilgrimage with many of my Dominican brothers and sisters as well as many of my Parish family to Lourdes in Litchfield, Connecticut. A bus trip that brought a group of people together on a journey of faith. This trip saw some changes at the Shrine that show much promise of future visits by more pilgrims.

The Mass was delightful as well as the hour of Adoration we shared before departing back home. God's presence never ceases to amaze me. When subtle changes began happening, I knew more than ever how much he is present during the hour of Adoration. A visual stretch, enough to know how favored this day was. That was the end of the day before parting.

Yet the beginning also had significance, the touch was present and given to another as part of God's love at the end of Mass. I do know from the words spoken during the homily as well, how truly possible it is to live when one has seen. Not a shake up but a confirmation of His truth that is deep within my heart.

The Possiblility

I was talking to my sister on the phone a couple nights ago about many things. The focus was about people that come into our lives. I was talking to her about my friend who seems to want to be part of my life again. She had cautioned me as well, wondering about his motives. That conversation was needed in many ways.

For once I was able to voice so much of what has gone on regarding what I have saw and known. Debbie had mentioned to me how others would love to have known and saw what I have. A gift that is rare and beautiful. But a very lonely gift, that sets a person apart from others. I would love more than anything that people could experience the gift of God's love. To know the truth and come ever closer to Him. Out of this conversation with my sister, the depths of my heart poured out, that to follow God fully means giving up any relationship to another person. To live a life alone, to never be touched or held close. Or to have someone care for you as age comes closer.

I love God with all my heart and knowing what sacrifice is to be made, that my life is not my own, but God's, didn't make it any easier to swallow. There are times I want to go off and forget all that he did and just live a normal life. But I can't because He is so deep within my heart, my mind and my soul. Like at Mass when words stand out and bring a smile to my face, I know then His truth. Unity throughout the world, now that would be something.

Water of Life

On Wednesday Sister Therese had given the album back and that night began a sharing of God's gift to me, when I shared that album with the others there too. So yesterday when I saw my spiritual director I had shown her my pictures of the Eucharist and the images of God that were captured when they were taken. A sharing of the story of when it began and somethings that I never told another soul.

I have kept quiet and a very low profile in my personal life about this. I don't show those pictures or relate the story too often. Most of the sharing of it has been on here where I have kept an account of some the moments that have graced my life. More than anything, that visit yesterday helped me to see how much I was keeping the flame burning low and not bright and visible at all. She did mention the part of the lamps with the oil. But as I began to write this, I began to see how much I was placing the basket over the candle light, almost obliterating it.

Who am I to hide the light of God's love from those who are thirsty for the life giving water. A gift of His love and I was holding it close to my heart, fearing that it would be taken away from me, when it is all I have. I have been hard on myself most of my life, and in this too I have been even harder. Opening yourself up and letting the light of God's love shine doesn't always have pleasant moments. And that's par for the course. Being a follower of God does not always have easy moments.



When I was upstairs this morning and while taking care of a few things, I overheard on the television a conversation about the military and how during a particularly bad time, how they must have been ashamed of their actions. Even in this regard when we think about it we criticize so much and many speak out about it. The same can be said about the few rotten apples in the Church as well. But many organizations do not get persecuted as much as the Catholic Church does for it's actions. Amazing isn't it when thinking about this how true it is. God gets persecuted most of all and yet he loves us constantly and tries to show us. I know he shows me numerous times, but like everyone else, I kept quiet about his love too.