Starting Over

Back home from the hospital and hopefully the rest of the healing will be quick. It's been the toughest struggle of all but I gave it to God. I have found that prayers work best from the heart. Right now I am just getting back online and hopefully will be back to sharing faith on a regular basis. God bless you all and I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving.

Healing

It is a long stay in the hospital this time. Even though my laptop was brought I was not able to use it until I could move my arm and body much better. The pain has been horrendous and now some of the use of my left hand is down to a minimal. I am thankful to have gotten this far after having three surgeries since I've been in here and with another one when the wounds show a good enough healing to close up the breast.

I have met many wonderful Nurses and technical assistants. I have had an opportunity to use the hyperbariatric chamber to aid in my skin healing. It's like deep diving and unplugging the ears are quite the chore. Well anyway, hopefully tomorrow I can write some more. Please have a good night.

On a Good Day

I have begun to see how much I have changed in regards to caring for my diabetes. On my recent visit with my Doctor I had some more weight loss along with better A1C numbers. Now that the expander is out I can hope that things will go more smoothly regarding chemotherapy. Hopefully I will not have anymore down time after I am allowed back to work after this minor setback.

All in all I have been given some special time to focus upon health and my spiritual wellbeing. A time that has given me moments of reflection and at times consolations. It also has brought our family closer together. With my brother having gone through his own personal death and back to life, my sister with her back surgery and a new birth in the family, we have grown closer and more caring about each other. I have to say that my younger sister has been a rock for me. She listens to me when I hurt and she has gone with me when I was unsure and been my fortress. God is good when he gives us family that help us along the way. Just as he is when we falter and fall flat on our face, he picks us up and nudges us on the way. He forgives those transgressions out of love. He gave us his only Son to bring healing to a wounded world filled with hate and anger and sin. So why have people thrown God so far away from themselves and from our day to day worldly living. Don't they realize what good he does for all of us. He showed us His Face many times and still we mock and curse him.

Support System

I think I was anxious yesterday regading going to the D'Amour Cancer Center for the first time for blood work. I was an emotional day for me, plus I met with some cancer survivors last evening and had a glimpse into their stories of their journey to where they are now.

I think once I was there the emotional aspect finally lifted because I was no longer alone on the journey myself. There were people there too who had these issues themselves. I want to think also of the other aspect too, that of faith and what I experienced personally and not feel so alone in that regard but that is another story altogether.

I also had a knee injection yesterday which has put my blood sugars level out of control for a few days. I suppose this is a good time to fast and surpase the ten pounds I have already lost since this has all began. A good loss for better health. Much better to maintain blood sugar and weight management to aid in healing.

Out of all this that has come about I continue to contemplate the day I saw our Lord and everything that has occured since then. The dreams, the music that came at odd times, but most especially walking right thru the Spirit of God in the early morning hours. The host pulsating on my tongue those selects times to reinforce his presence in the Eucharist and to aid in my belief in what has already occured. I am no one special except in the eyes of God and that being chosen for his Son. I sometimes wonder about the Religious life, yet the obstacles occur and then I realize I have my vocation as one with the Dominicans, their otherwise known as Third Order Dominicans but officially known as Lay Fraternities of St. Dominic. An order I am glad to be part of since saying "yes" to the calling. I also have these pictures that need to be shown but have no idea about going about it. I had that one oppertunity when they were shown on a large screen and that worked out wonderfully, especially seeing God speak in the video while the music is playing in the background. I'm not the only one who has seen this, this is the truth.

So from all that is taking place my faith is tatamount to what is occuring. I can never ignore what I was given not for a moment. Somehow it is important in these tumultous times. God's and Jesus presence is needed far more than ever.

Finding Jesus in Others

Odd thing happened yesterday afternoon, I spotted my parish priest on his way across a parking lot to go into a Funeral home as I was headed home. Then I had the grace to see him again at Mass where after mass he asked if I was going to be reading on Wednesday since my surgery was set for 9:45 and mass is at 7:30 am. But unfortunately I had to tell him no because I had to be there for 7 am so he prayed over me upon leaving the church. After mass my parents and I went to dinner and while sitting there waiting for our meal. I saw once again my parish priest with a parishioner go into the dinning room. Talk about having a threefold blessing!! God has a way of talking to us in various ways and it seems this was one of them. Kinda like saying die to self and the ways of the world and then at mass he is the life with the final part as a way of saying we partake of the meal that sustains us. In a good old fashion way like saying come and follow for he is the way, the truth and the life. Jesus is the best way to live life. Yesterday before entering I was pondering a problem when I met up with another parishioner as well, she and I hugged and her words about needing that because of her own troubles as well and being at church is where she finds comfort among the tribulations she is having. Without knowing it on both our parts, we both needed that hug to bring comfort and healing to sooth the turmoil that was going through our lives. Amazing how God places people in our path to bring comfort in those moments when we feel alone and in need of God's presence. Today is my last day at work for awhile, I don't know how long it will be before returning. I hope by the grace of God that all turns out well and the recovery will not be for long. Wednesday is the day I will find myself hopefully free of the dark spot in my body. Jesus I trust in you with all my heart!!

Blessed Mother

I was pondering what I may write when so many things presented themselves in thought. Yet, as I gazed up toward the ceiling I saw small statue on a shelf of our Blessed Mother. This one is Our Lady of LaSalette sitting and holding her head crying. In that moment I was touched profoundly and I began to understand why she appeared crying.

When looking back at the time period she appeared and then now, it's easy to know the depths of her tears. We are in and part of a world that always seeks to receive the gifts of others but fails to share in that giving. Or the numerous ways people fail to love one another by seeking to cause hurt, pain and suffering. Reflecting upon our Blessed Mother and her tears, it wasn't hard to see the many ways we inflict those tears.

Look at how many go to Mass but fail to reconcile themselves by not going to confession. How many receive communion in a state of sin. That alone would cause our blessed Mother to cry. Just imagine how our own mothers react when we say or do something that brings tears to her eyes. That should make us think about the reasoning behind why we are inflicting those tears in the first place and for what purpose.

For me I have a devotion to our Blessed Mother in two ways, one is to Our Lady of LaSalette for reconciliation and the other is to Our Lady of Lourdes for healing, whether it be physical or spiritual. She will always guide us in the right direction when it is sought with our heart.

Healing

It was a long day yesterday with little sleep before it. I went to a healing Mass with an open heart for the grace of God's healing in my life. I had this notion that because I saw an extraordinary image on the Eucharist and experience many of God's graces, that I wasn't supposed to receive the gift of being healed. But I found that even I need healing in areas that are blocking me from growing and that's when God uses others to touch our lives.

Without going into too much detail, I suffered at the hands of another in a relationship that was eating my soul. Emotional abuse is almost the worst form of abuse a person can suffer. God has touched my life for a very long time and on top of it when I was given this grace to see him, the abuse that I had undergone had me in a state of unbelief in myself. My faith in God was the one thing that kept me whole and from loosing myself. It's been a long journey in healing and little by little it has come in various stages.

When I was talking to my sister last night after she came with me to a prayer Cenacle, she told me that she has seen the difference in me and how I am coming back to where I once was before the abuse entered my life. God is my strength and without him I wouldn't be here. Well anyway, I sought healing, to bring healing to those wounds that I cannot mend on my own. It is always my litany of prayer to conquer the hurt that I cannot rid myself of. And God is so good and loving in providing us with people who love unconditionally. God provided me with various gifts and one of them allows me to pray for another. We all have this gift of prayer but we sometimes forget how to pray it. He has given me the gift of his love by the choice of music he delivers his messages. I don't doubt that part at all, it was what I saw that I doubted. I don't doubt that no more either. Have I now then come to terms with God's healing grace in my life and seen for myself how blessed I am to have his strength to find healing through another. Yes, and God still knocks on the door of my heart and speaks softly to me of his undying love. The wounds are almost healed and soon I will be able to launch out into the deep and do what God intended for me to do.

Healing

How is it so different working in one place from the next. I have discovered in the course of time the variety of people in the workforce and how they are and how they relate to others. It's not always good in some places and yet in others it's wonderful. Where I am now it's so different you can actually feel it. I read an article last night that shed some light on it, how we can know when good thoughts are around us and when they aren't. From Spirit Daily an article called Joel's Corner. It goes as follows:

Spirit feels, just as though it were corporeal, because it has developed in conjunction with a living body. However, it does not feel physical, tangible objects, but only projections of mind, of which is its essence.


Hatred would burn. Indifference would chill. Grief is crushing. There must be many more examples.

All of my life, I've wondered how a hell of fire and brimstone could cause souls to suffer, since they are not made of flesh. Now I understand. The endless hatred of the adversary, without any alleviation from God, would burn beyond imagination. Souls captured within that void would experience every torment which Satan could conceive, forever.

Purgatory, by comparison, is still within God's natural universe. The holy souls there are tormented by their own thoughts, and they still have hope. It is our thoughts, through prayer, which ease their torment and uplift them toward their heavenly home.

I think that it bears mentioning that our thoughts towards other living beings also affect them spiritually, which then affects their health. Thoughts have substance. Positive, life affirming thoughts, especially in prayer, coupled with unconditional love, can help to heal ourselves and others.

I've heard it said that to heal the body, first heal the spirit. Now, I understand.

In Jesus and Mary,

Joel McClain
06/07/07

I know one thing hatred is felt when it is directed at someone, it's not a wonderful feeling either and when prayer is prayed the change is good. We never realize how our thoughts affect those around us. This article may have some truth to it and may be not, I leave it up to discernment. But one thing I do know, thoughts do have a devastating effect when they aren't good. It hurts us when we think this way, when we think about hatred for another, that gives us a clue into our unforgiving heart. But it shows us also that we do not have love for God or neighbor.

There is understanding in this about healing the spirit first before the physical healing. If we are sick in spirit in how our thoughts are, how then do we expect physical healing when we think bad thoughts of others. This is not God's way. But then again it doesn't take a rocket scientist to understand something so simple, how love heals on a grand scale. And those who reject love reject healing.

Praise God

The last few days have been one filled with wonder. Where it seems a call to go somewhere and be. And so I did, the need was great to be there too. So I attended my first healing Mass, and let myself be touched. Lord God what a blessing it was too. What a feeling when falling from the Spirits touch. And the warmth, my God, the joy that filled my being, tremendous. What glorious peace. Earlier I had the thought of how empty I felt, but it was part of what I was to go through and understand. For a while I have been using my hands and for some reason not letting go of what was becoming a part of me. I found out I too needed to find a way to let it go. This was part of what I had to learn. Whatever other trials I have physically they are part of my cross to bear. Dear God and today you touched me in ways I long forgot about.

But the best is when I came out of the Diocese offices and unlocked my car to hear "I Believe" playing on the CD of Mark Forrest. And the key was not in the ignition, and when I did put it in, the radio went off. God does have a beautiful way of telling us he believes in us when we are open to his love. This is the second time this happened and I am not chalking it up to electrical oddities, too much in my life has been going on for that to be. Whether it be in coincidences or some other things that are not part of things, it is God's hand that I see in these things. Not all but the one's that truly stand out for notice. And even then some of the small stuff can be accounted also when it is discerned. Especially when uncertainty is present. I have come to know the difference in what God gives and what is not. Anyway trusting in God is always first.

I'm glad that I can write about this stuff, but mostly about God's gifts and his love. Sometimes we are so busy in our life that we fail to see his love touch us in ways that we take for granted. Like what he did today, someone else would have not thought it God's way of saying anything, just a fluke. But I go beyond the normal and see the Divine in most everything. That's love for God when we see his hand in everything. And I'm so glad to be blessed by his love. Praise God!

I did fail to mention that there have been two recent people who have been healed that was read to those present at the healing service. The Holy Spirit is at work and Praise God for his ministers of healing at La Salette.