Someday

I signed up at my Parish over a year or two ago to learn and be a lector. But things didn't quite work out that way. Now I do have an opportunity, they are seeking one for a weekday morning mass and I have that one day off so I will finally get to do it. Now it's re-arranging time schedule to have the time to go to early mass in the morning. I was going in the afternoon on my days-off.

My mom is doing much better after her fall, she will be having back surgery later this month if her doctor gives her the go ahead. This is an issue that has been there for awhile. She's had many problems with her back for a very long time. How is it that many are so fortunate to not have to carry a cross their whole life and others are given such a heavy one. I don't know what made me think along these lines earlier in the way of suffering and how each of us handles our own. As I pondered many things about life, I have to say I was fortunate to know both ends of how we live. I wasn't rich but I also didn't have to worry either and then I found myself on the other end of things and saw how it was for the less fortunate.

The same can be said on the health as well, when we have it we know so much and do so much but never truly know what the other half feels. When all is said and done after we too go through our own trials in sickness we begin to see in a way that helps to unite us with those who have suffered and never once complained and smiled in spite of the offenses they endured. Maybe by grace I had the chance to know so much to be able to see the whole picture in diverse ways. The rich will never know how it is to be poor and the poor will never know what it is to be rich, unless they are given the opportunity to learn in this life what each goes through. There is so much in this life that we all could learn but fail to take a moment in our day to even understand the heartache and suffering our neighbors go through day to day.

They are classified in numerous ways, judged by their looks of color, their faith or lack of one, or by what they earn or don't earn, whether they have insurance or not. It all depends on what we have doesn't it. Not so much what we don't have, because if that is the case the treatment is definitely one not fit for human dignity. Yet there are so many poor in the world that are forced to lie, cheat and steal just to survive. Some because we caused issues that brought about addictions that pretty much do everything to bury the suffering and shame that we treat them with. And some is brought on by themselves, but guaranteed most is caused by our own lack of love for our neighbor. There is probably a small majority on this earth out of a whole planet full of people that are truly genuine. Maybe someday the odds will favor a better outcome.

Just Moments

Occasionally there are moments in my life when I have to stand back and wonder. Like the other day and the profound thoughts that come and with it the moments of experience. They do not die nor do they fade in time. I am forever grateful. I know at times there are moments when I don't feel worthy and yet I have done nothing to bring that about. I think it is in those brief readings about the saints that I glimpse more of what they endured for the sake of the kingdom of God. No matter what I have experience I cannot think my self any better than the person I stand next to. I am only a small cog in the wheel of life, and that is as it should be. I love him more than life itself, but I am only me in a land of giants. Recordare was a word I once received quite sometime ago, a word that literaly means to remember, a word and all that has been encompassed I will not ever forget.

Now I understand why some songs spoke loudly of specific things, they were all part of the process of understanding the bigger picture. Have I truly understood it all, mostly. There are somethings that in their turn will begin to make more sense as time allows. One thing is certain, I don't feel as if I measure up to the many people who have such a deep and beautiful faith, that's the area that I don't seem to feel like I belong. I never felt throughout my whole life as if I felt I belonged anywhere or to anyone. It's the strangest part of my life that had me wonder why I loved so deeply and yet at one time I had a that grace to know that souls do collide and meld. I am happy to love more than anything to love God above all.

Profound Thoughts

Ever have profound thoughts only to loose them. When thinking about this I had come to the realization that they happen when those thoughts are also on God. Such as the moments when I have a conversation with him. I thought to myself, now that was a good thought. But as I just wrote it is also his response. I think that's why it is so profound, because at the moment it strikes the heart with much joy.

Trying to explain is often hard to put into words what goes on. But when I talk to him it is these beautiful responses or enlightenment that show me he is listening as well as speaking to me. I'm not the only one he does this to. When we open our hearts to him and make him first and choose to follow him, it is then we have the best part of God. He is the central focus of our lives and our hearts. Our families actually benefit from this relationship also.

I didn't always understand what he was saying when Jesus said, come, follow me. But when we choose to do that even though we live among the world it is placing him exactly first and doing for him first. It is keeping our mind on him at all times as we live out our life with others. He teaches us to give in ways we don't understand. I have always loved God, but I didn't always know how much he really loves us until he touched my heart and made it his own. I think that is why it is easy for me to speak of his love.

If only we could touch lives as God touches ours, how truly wonderful the world would be then.