Pondering

My last post I mentioned words that had me thinking. So I took time to dwell upon them to discover why I received them. I was thinking of my upcoming infusion which will be my last one and then the following weeks after it. When I see my doctor toward the end of the month I will find out when I go back to work. I was then wondering if that wasn't was the words were all about. Getting myself ready to go back to work by getting up earlier and getting myself prepared for the day.

It may be quite possible that is what the meaning of the words were for, I don't see any other reason why for them. I know it will be difficult getting back into the swing of things with work, I just hope I am not as tired as I have been during the treatments. Becoming a survivor of breast cancer will have a new meaning and then a new way of living.

These past few months have been a huge burden on my parents, they both have gone out of their way to take care of meals and so much more while I recover. They are saints by a long shot before I will ever be one. I have been terrible at times because of the changes in mood from the chemicals. Those are the times I would have longed to have more patience, more love to give and less of my own personal lip service. Such as when the taste buds are gone, the mouth opens and the words are instant, the food tastes terrible, what happened to it, without thought about the drugs that are doing the whole business. Someday I may look back and laugh or cry like a beggar at this time period.

More than anything I place myself to blame for any hardship that occurs or any wrong, not because I want to it just seems to be a habit I got myself into and I don't even know when that even started. Well I guess this time is as good a time as any to mend what may be broken and correct those flaws that mar the way to Jesus and our Heavenly Father. If I can't be honest about myself then I might as well not write then. What I truly enjoy is doing the rosary with my parents as a family even more so now than before. Because I choose Jesus to be part of my life then I do the rosary to bring him closer through His mother.