Why The Doubts?

Yesterday was a tough day being assailed by doubts after the treatments. You would think I would be used to it by now but I am not. These doubts come from the medicine that invade my body and it does something to me that is unexplainable. Like tiredness, pain in the back and then how it affects the thinking, that becomes distorted and painful. Being honest regarding what is taking place is not easy to reveal when it comes to health issues and the treatments that are received.

So again last evening I spoke with my Mom and Dad and found comfort and solace amid the pain my doubts were causing me. I asked to do a Rosary for assistance with these doubts and my mom had a thought come to her about praying for others during the rosary. I mentioned that Jesus does tell us to ask for prayer for ourselves as well. How else then are we to obtain assistance at times of trial if no one knows of our suffering. They will not be able to pray if they do not know in the first place. I know that these doubts may continue to assail me as the drugs continue doing what they do and that is rid the body of any rogue cells that may have invaded it. I am grateful for this treatment, but not the doubts of faith, of life, of so much more.

Then I had this notion of changing my blog template and that kinda went out the window as well since I am not too good at some of these things. More or less I don't have the imagination to make a nice blog page that would be appealing to others. But then again if the content was something good to read about that may help too. But as those doubts seem to come at times, I also know deep in my heart that God's Will will prevail no matter what and he will do what has to be done for all of us not just me or you or the next person.

No More Doubts

I have begun to see how truly an instrument I am in God's hands. Before Easter, music began speaking again in profound ways, but I have also seen that it wasn't only the lyrics it was also the name of the group that captured me as well. The last one I know had a twofold way with it, but I also noted how the group name stood out as well. They are called MercyMe. If that alone doesn't speak volumes then I must deaf to his promptings.

The same also for the picture of the Sacred Heart, one would swear that when I have written something of value, it seems as if a smile shows itself. Todays reading had to do with Thomas and his doubt, that brought me into my own doubt as well. Thomas believed in Jesus, but his resurrection was difficult for him and touching the wounds gave him the proof to come to grips with this truth. I can associate with St. Thomas in many ways. I too have believed in Jesus all my life, but when I was given something extraordinary, I had an extremely hard time believing he would chose me to receive such a gift of seeing him in the Blessed Sacrament. A place where I have always believed in his presence.

I would sit and watch and listen to people talk about their faith and I began to wonder why not choose them, they can speak eloquently about faith and spirituality and the saints so easily. Me I am just a simple person who loves but knows little about it all. And maybe that's why he gave me something wonderful to behold, the simple fact of not truly knowing much to begin with. I can't tell a person all about the Church and faith, but I can tell you about his love. I never thought I deserved to be loved in such a beautiful way, and yet he loves me for me as I am.

When I showed my pictures again to another person, I had forgotten about the fish symbol that appears periodically from the windows of my parents home. It doesn't happen all the time, yet I was reminded when I saw the picture about the other days reading about the fish too. How that too was just a symbolic of his resurrection. I think he is trying to show me how very real it all is.