July 30, 2011

Waiting Game

I saw my doctor yesterday and was told no work for another two weeks to aid in healing after removing the breast expander because the chemotherapy will bring my immune system down. When I walked my dog Oscar on the road yesterday I had a delightful visit when my Human Resources person was driving by. We had a chat and a hug and I nearly broke down and cried because of being away from work for so long.

I would not have thought it was going to be this long a road already, but I have to remind myself I have other health issues that mar the way. I wanted to believe that all was going to go well but I was only lying to myself in that regard. I have kept a positive outlook about it all and then reality sets in and the tiredness envelopes me. I want to be able to go out and not feel tired, to go and see places and do so much for God and his kingdom. Yet, as I sit here typing this I have to realize that I am doing something wonderful for his kingdom by bearing witness to what transpired since the end of 2003. The remarkable visit I received and also the vision of Jesus in the Eucharist with the pictures as proof.

What I love the most is the one picture that was taken and was captured as a film is seeing him talk via the video. When I took a walk in the woods as I used to and then pausing for reflection looking off into the distance, I thought about this grace that was given and I thanked him for choosing me among the many in the world to be one of his witnesses. It may have taken me years to overcome so much in the way of battling the evil one and the many attempts to stop me from talking about him and showing his face to others. St. Michael has been a tremendous support along with out Blessed Mother to aid me in the battle.

God is love in every sense of the word, he provides so much even when we don't often see it. He conquered my heart and made me his, he accepted my human failings and gave me his undying love. I love God with all my heart and soul, I just cannot do enough for him to say thank you and show my gratitude for what he has done for me.

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