Masculine

I have had the good fortune of being given a cd from Marguerites cousin Paul by Robert Kochis called May The Angels Welcome You. and one by Daniel O'Donnell. It's beautiful to listen to. I haven't quite worn it out yet that's how much I have been playing it. My collection is mostly of John Michael Talbot, Vince Ambrosetti, The Monks of Weston Priory, Father Pat, Josh Groban, Tony Melendez, Interior Castle, and the all time Catholic Classics, Mark Forrest, and many Gregorian Chants and I've missed a few that are not in my field of vision at the moment. So when I received a new one by an entirely different singer, of course then it has become the most popular for listening pleasure. Amazing what music and a wonderful voice can do to a soul. Except hearing a deep male voice somehow stirs the heart and soul, go figure on that.

Even when I hear mens voices when talking to people on the phone and hearing those deep particular ones, I sit in absolute amazement at the beauty of their voice. I always wondered why I love the sound of a male voice even in song. If I knew a singer who sang at that particular level then I could use them as an example of what the deep sound is. Well anyway that's my particular fixation with voices and singing, one could say they sound absolutely masculine. I was thinking about people who have been in my life, and truth to tell none spoke with that type of masculine voice. Not even men I dated and now I wonder where on earth did I ever get this love of a particular deep tone. Sigh, one of these days something will give and I will see why I love deep sounding mens voices. I went to check on youtube by checking tenors and baritone singers and didn't even come up with one close enough, even the bass are too low and deep. So I will continue that ultimate search then.

Sing Hosanna!

It was nice to have a day off, just not used to having them in the week. I didn't realize how long a work period it was since I ended one job and continued to the next without time off. So today was a nice day to get some things done. Straightening out the closet was one of the long overdue things to be done. I'm so happy that I can finally get rid of long held clothes that I was hoping to fit into, it was time to let them go. Taking one moment at a time and tackling one and completing it is important.

I took my mom to the store and bumped into an old friend from an old job I used to work at. He's still with them, and found out his girlfriend of two years has cancer. When he was telling me about it, I heard the tears in his voice. This man shares the same birthdate as I do, not the same year, so I know how he is in regards to taking care and being there for his girlfriend. I'm proud of him for it.

It was odd too since earlier in the day I was in the general vicinity of where I used to work, and thought how nice it would be to see one them. God delivered, later in the day that person. I told my mom that as we were headed back home. After unloading the car and putting some of the food stuff away, the strangest thing occured. I began to sing, "Sing Hosanna, sing hosanna, sing hosanna, sing alleluia." And by now it no longer is strange either. These words were sung I believe in Church, but unsure to what part of the Mass they were sung. I could almost hear the children singing this, because the kids sing it. It was nice to have this special grace.

I think part of growing and accepting the graces that are given make a difference. But I can't help recall that night on Holy Thursday and the feeling of a new softness to my person, and I can't explain it in a way to justify it. Nor how the prayer flowed so easily when it began so hard.
A friend from my last job had emailed me and wrote this "the journey down the narrow road to life awaits you, many will choose the wide road, for those ones will be lost forever." I was stunned by those words Henry wrote but also knew the truth in them too. Henry is an amazing guy, he wrote me such a nice letter to read after I left my last job. People often come into our lives for a reason, Henry is like a spiritual brother, he always called me sister.

Changes

Sometimes changes occur in our life without realizing they are happening. Discovering a voice is one, or should I say not having one. I have to laugh because Friday at work I sang to a song that brought tears to my eyes. I warned those closest to me that I sound awful when I sing. Well the lady next to me said no one sings worst than her husband. Surprise, surprise but I did. She let me know I in fact did sound worse than him. I'm not too proud of it either. Does that mean all these years people have been polite, yet cringing when the voice behind them sings out of key. One of these days I will have to tape myself singing along with a tune. Until then, mind you this is the voice God has given for singing, will have to be kept silent when around others and lip sync. But singing in thought sounds very good. Now with that little bit of knowledge I can change my own sound and attempt to fine tune the vocal chords. I don't want to be a log that gets in the way of harmony when it comes to singing in unison with the congregation.

As for unity that one is easy to do when praying. There are times when I reflect on the days Gospel and find something new and extraordinary in contemplating his message. I begin to think have I done all I can do for His Kingdom. Where, in my life do I need to change? Am I thinking and acting in the way I love God. If I'm going to poke out an eye I am going to do it to myself first. It's a wonderful thing to know that my conscience was developed. How, making the choice to know that loving God first was something I have strive for all my life. There have been moments when I know I have done the right path as well as know when I have detoured.

It's funny in-a-way, because the songs I listened to on Friday while working, were songs that spoke deeply of love. But they were not sacred songs, yet in my heart I was singing them to God of the love I have for Him. It's not hard to envision this when hearing a song of love. Since I have no human counterpart it's easy for me. But even then when I was married, the music I heard spoke to me of a love so great, that even then I would place God in the place of the one I was with in my thought. Now that is putting God first. When thinking back on this, I didn't realize the extent of love I kept deep in my heart for the one I have always longed for. He is and always will be my one true love.