Pondering

Treasures of our life, those moments of growing up when we recall later in life and find life's most funniest memories. But when they happen it's another thing altogether. A red faced moment! But those are the treasures of learning. For me anyway. Maybe not for others. It's funny in a way when we make blunders, how at the moment it seems so dire. But later it's not seen in the same light. None of us are so perfect in our daily living that we don't make some sort of blunder. Anyway, our actions in life are what we often regret as well as the words we speak. Sometimes not always with thought either. And then there are those who are wolves and prey upon the weak and cultivate more predicaments in a life than what is supposed to be natural in it. Is our motive pure when we go places and do things. When we work do we set out to cause another strife because they are different. The moments we see others causing another hurt by their actions. Don't we fail at times to own up to our own behavior. Moments of pondering lifes treasures can often yield laughter or tears.

Moments

I was talking to my mom earlier about what I wrote yesterday, it's funny but I have gone to her from the very beginning of all I have experienced. She was the first person I told about what I saw on the Eucharist, she is the first one I told when I walked through the Spirit. She knows it all, even the parts of my ugly self when I was in conflict with it. I didn't realize how horrendous the abuse was until much later. I tried to kill the Spirit out of fear that it was an evil rather than from God. When all I felt was nothing but joy in my soul. The smile that was constant. The sheer happiness. When I look back now to that special time of complete abandonment to His Love, His forgiveness he was giving me life after I completely died to the world.

It wasn't only knowing holiness, it was apparent when I gave up so much more, such as the television, listening to regular music, prayer became a central focus. The pictures that I took I didn't understand, yet they were good food for my soul. Each time I was before the Blessed Sacrament I would always pray for the world, for the head of our Church and all the priest and religious. Pretty much everybody. I even prayed for the conversion of the evil one. It was a time of growth and healing. Growth in spirituality and healing from a deep wound that would have destroyed a weaker person. It was a time of grace and blessing, a rebirth of a soul. That is probably why the title of this blog was started, from an interior prompting. Well anyway, I can't say I was confused about what happened, just on the understanding of His calling, for at the time I needed to learn most of all and to come to acknowledge what has transpired. I was refusing to do that, out of my own feeling of uncertainty of my own self resulting from the abuse in the bad relationship. When a person doesn't believe in themselves how will they believe in what they see or hear when it is presented to them from God. Can I then say he went way beyond the norm to ensure that I believed in myself and his gift to me. Oh very much so.

When I was talking to my mom earlier we pretty much came to this same conclusion but in a different way. As I mentioned prior to this, I had kept my love for God a constant throughout my life. I went to him for everything, and He came and touched me and entered my heart in a tangible way. A moment that I will never forget, but I will relate it at another time in this Advent journey.

Thank you mom for all the talks we share.