Subtle Changes

I've noticed a small change has been occuring regarding how much time I've been spending on line. It has become minimal, only enough time to read what is important and then I just want to go and do something more constructive with my time. In short, I feel like an expectant mother, about ready to give birth. The instinct to clean and prepare before the event is something women seem to do before it's time. That's the only way to explain this growing sense of change.

Plus, due to water infiltration into the basement on a few occasions, it's left another problem that needs to be taken care of as well. So the instinct to root out the source of the growing odor of mildew and or mold seems to be of great importance. I've noticed the odor is becoming more pronounced during the winter months, due to not being able to air out as much by leaving a door or small window open. Air fresheners just mask the odor but does not eliminate it. Since I've noticed my clothes and my own self have been invaded by this, the time has come to do a major clean out and remove the unwanted odor.

But this expectant mother instinct to clean before birth, I understand it, even though I've never been an expectant mother, it seems to suit what is going on lately. The desire to clean and prepare is strong. Not a spring cleaning type of cleaning but a change for the better. That is the only way to explain this odd need. Just like we prepare before going to confession, a going through the areas of our life that seems to have soiled our interior garment from being clean. As a person of faith would have this natural instinct to want to keep their interior garment clean by living their life in a more faith filled way and periodically using the Sacrament of Reconciliation to cleanse those areas that invade or cause the interior garment to soil.

How is it then that now of all times this nesting instinct has taken hold and pronounced itself. Yet, as I understand it myself, it is a period of cleansing and preparation for the coming days ahead. Preparing my living space for any visitors that may come by and also as the interior self is cleansed as well it prepares that too for the indwelling of the Holy Spirit.

Cleansing

It's always a comfort to read the Gospels and see ourselves in it at times. Today was one of those days when it hit me about discipline. I know that I have been going through a process of learning. Not to dwell on the past , but when looking back and I see a child of wonder growing up with faith and keeping it I now understand it never was lost. But as an adult the the path I walked wasn't always straight and on that path Go's love and guidance became more known. It was then up to me to learn of the discipline that was part of my own trials.

Just as learning to listen to his voice and the promptings of the Holy Spirit. I had to go through my trials to bring about a strength in myself that God saw and wanted for me. He knew all through my growing years the many times I would see and hear something and say to myself that's not what God wants. It's not his way, it's not his law and-so-forth. I would often say this to my mother when something that was happening in the world and it was a topic of conversation.

How I have continually done this throughout my life, because it was all the time I didn't realize it myself until it was brought to light. But more than that was when I sinned, I went through my own hell because I knew, and I did the best to yank out the plank in my own eye and tear out the spot that placed itself upon my heart.

God in his goodness did not take away from me, but gave me something far greater, life. His love is beautiful and when people begin to understand this treasure they too will see.