May 16, 2011


I'm listening to Lillies of the Field by John Micheal Talbot at the moment, a refreshing song and one that soothes the spirit. I need that this morning considering my boss suggested instead of coming in for a short time to just go to my Doctors appointment and then come in. I'm thankful for that. But that means loss of time too. So this song helps me to realize and keep in mind that God takes care of everything.

Going through this trial has been a tough one, one about learning to let go and to stop being the one who can do it all. I drove myself hard on the workforce to prove myself worthy of working with my illnesses. But all I ended up doing was causing myself more stress and more harm to my bodies wellbeing. It's hard to find myself this way and to correct my flaws. But if I don't change then I cause my own downfall. I have prayed constantly for this change in myself and it seems to be happening in very strange ways, by illness to slow us down and make us see.

I have relied on myself all or most of my life and now have found myself at the point that there are times that I cannot do it alone. I find myself frightened about each day sometimes. How will it go and will I be able to get through the day without getting tired. I think I now know what the elderly feel at times, helpless in moments when they would like to accomplish maybe just making dinner and not having the strength to even do that.

I feel for the elderly and what they go through and how hard it is for so very many of them who struggle daily because they lack so much even in faith. I can only hope that faith will be a constant in my life and that God will continue to give me the strength I need to continue the path he set me on.

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