September 05, 2010

Windows of Opportunities

How would a person know if a door closed and a window of opportunity opened? Or a missed moment that would have changed the outcome? I've looked back recently on some occasions and realized they may have been those turning points that would have signaled God's movement in the direction that I should have gone. But failed to see the opportunity as such at the time. Like when I lost my car, I was looking at a Religious Community and a week that would have been a live in at the time of loss. Plus my moms surgery had placed another obstacle as well.

As I pondered how things have gone on since then and the rockiness of life, I have wondered, perhaps I missed the boat after all. Then there are moments that I find myself totally lost on this path as if I am being robbed of faith and hope and love. Sometimes the persecution is unbearable, the cross becomes so heavy. Those moments I look up at the Cross Jesus was on and come to a better understanding of the weight he bore his physical cross and endured the suffering so we could be saved. Those moments I have to take myself out of the equation and stop moaning about my ills and see through His eyes what he did for us all.

Sometimes I have a hard time letting go of my own pain and suffering and taking his example and The Word of God to heart and find life more bearable. Then I see my parents and their suffering, age and difficulties and find that no matter what goes on their faith endures. Lately, I have found myself uncertain about life, uncertain about many things when life throws curve balls that I don't handle too well. I have found that God made me the way I am for a purpose, that what has happened in my life is also for a purpose, the hardship, the heartache, the uncertainties, every little detail is by his hand. The way I talk, the way I look the way I do things it is all by him. He is the creator!!!

So that being the case I continue to plod along and do the best I can in moments of dryness and uncertainty with the hope that along the way I know he will brush a lock of hair away from my face or gently touch me with a breeze to delight my heart.

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