Moments

I was talking to my mom earlier about what I wrote yesterday, it's funny but I have gone to her from the very beginning of all I have experienced. She was the first person I told about what I saw on the Eucharist, she is the first one I told when I walked through the Spirit. She knows it all, even the parts of my ugly self when I was in conflict with it. I didn't realize how horrendous the abuse was until much later. I tried to kill the Spirit out of fear that it was an evil rather than from God. When all I felt was nothing but joy in my soul. The smile that was constant. The sheer happiness. When I look back now to that special time of complete abandonment to His Love, His forgiveness he was giving me life after I completely died to the world.

It wasn't only knowing holiness, it was apparent when I gave up so much more, such as the television, listening to regular music, prayer became a central focus. The pictures that I took I didn't understand, yet they were good food for my soul. Each time I was before the Blessed Sacrament I would always pray for the world, for the head of our Church and all the priest and religious. Pretty much everybody. I even prayed for the conversion of the evil one. It was a time of growth and healing. Growth in spirituality and healing from a deep wound that would have destroyed a weaker person. It was a time of grace and blessing, a rebirth of a soul. That is probably why the title of this blog was started, from an interior prompting. Well anyway, I can't say I was confused about what happened, just on the understanding of His calling, for at the time I needed to learn most of all and to come to acknowledge what has transpired. I was refusing to do that, out of my own feeling of uncertainty of my own self resulting from the abuse in the bad relationship. When a person doesn't believe in themselves how will they believe in what they see or hear when it is presented to them from God. Can I then say he went way beyond the norm to ensure that I believed in myself and his gift to me. Oh very much so.

When I was talking to my mom earlier we pretty much came to this same conclusion but in a different way. As I mentioned prior to this, I had kept my love for God a constant throughout my life. I went to him for everything, and He came and touched me and entered my heart in a tangible way. A moment that I will never forget, but I will relate it at another time in this Advent journey.

Thank you mom for all the talks we share.