Awareness

Have I sought the grace to drive out the sins of my life and bring healing grace instead. I believe so! Sometimes I'm given glimpses from my life to show me my errors and it's those times that I regret and find complete sorrow for the wrong I have done to our Father who is all that is good. A heart full of remorse for past sins that went unnoticed. I don't dwell on the past or think of what I should have done instead, it's like I said, it's the small glimpses of the sins I committed when I was so very young.

It's those times that I believe God is showing me where I hurt him and giving me the opportunity to cleanse myself of hidden sins of guilt. I more than anything think I am a sinner of great magnitude. When God touches your life and calls it to be purified, everything that can be thought of or done, if it wasn't done for God then it was done for me. The window of opportunity to cleanse more of my soul when those moments make themselves known are wonderful. The cleansing itself is purifying. It's purging what does not belong. And forgiving myself also for those lost times when I needed to forgive what I did, because God forgave me. I am grateful!

I had a young man at work yesterday asked me what I was reading, and I wanted to laugh because I wasn't reading what I would be reading. It was a romance book, he asked me a question and I answered I brought it so I wouldn't push people away with my religious books. It seems that when I have brought those out, people tend to stay away from me. So tentatively I did something different. This young man is a Baptist so logically he is into religion. We are able to listen to music at work also, but with or without headphones. And I get to listen to sacred music to keep my prayer constant. There is a lot of talking and so much noise that it's peaceful when doing work and listening to Sacred music. Now that he knows and soon the others too, then I can bring some reading material that is beneficial to my soul. Sometimes in the workforce, people shun what they don't understand and if your religious they rather not come near. Work for them is a place where they escape from their daily home lives and let go and have fun with each other. I have found that each environment I have come across has been so different from the other. Being a temp is a different world altogether. You come across some places that work you harder than imaginable and pay very little all so they can save money.

It's not a stable world in this environment, you never know if there will be enough work or if they let you go because your different from the others. No job is secure anymore. Long ago companies were geared to the people who worked for them, not so today. What is tougher is the fact that they can destroy a life by letting a person go in an instant, but should a person quit they will not hire because of it. Double standard, yet no one benefits. They may have lost the opportunity to have had a real good worker on their side then. They don't know the reasons why a person quits a job, it could be because of the people that work for a company are nasty to each other. It could be because the work is demanding and no pay. There are so many reasons and often people loose out because of the way we all are toward each other and how we try to survive.

It doesn't have nothing to do with me, it is revealed by those I work with. They struggle to get a decent paying job, but often end up not getting one because they don't always have a chance. There is something I've always understood and known and never put down is those who have less than I have. I am in there shoes also but far more different and I am not ashamed of who I am or for that matter who I associate with. That seems to be the difference when we make money and those who don't. Those who have tend to walk far away and do their best to not come near lest they catch the bug of poverty too. It's a big gulf and not many seem to want to cross it. Even in our own Parishes we have people who live in poverty but seldom do we help them. It's more like that gulf, they are across the great divide and if they see you coming their way, they paddle father from. It's rare when a genuine soul will embrace an individual in poverty. That's why we don't know God as we should. Love God first and love neighbor, the two that completes a person is these two great commandments. Love is the greatest gift of all, it doesn't distinguish poor from rich, black from white, it loves in spite of it all. And I'm thankful I love this way, this is what we are called to do.