tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-261205502024-03-10T04:41:19.148-04:00Soulful LongingsBernicehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08451431435457133358noreply@blogger.comBlogger963125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26120550.post-41854316382397594442014-10-29T16:08:00.002-04:002014-10-29T16:09:56.880-04:00Unexplainable<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I posted the above saying on October 19, 2014 after 7 am. It didn't dawn on me at all until much later in the day what had occured on my walk in the second picture. In the distance there a brook that branches in two directions below an old railroad tressel. As I was walking the dogs that morning about where I was standing when I took this picture, in the distance up on the tressel i saw a figure in bright white that moved to the right and lost from sight. It wasn't a short coat type of look but a full length one and very bright. Anyway, i didn't think much about it except when I took the dogs for a walk again later and when i looked again it was as if the trees obscured the area to where I saw this white figure, no clear way to see. Later I looked back at my facebook post and I had a wow moment and realized how God does do something spectacular for us to say exactly what the first picture says, "I Know that was you God, Thank you"Bernicehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08451431435457133358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26120550.post-83517444218191803932014-10-08T08:14:00.001-04:002014-10-08T08:14:27.264-04:00Back to BloggingIt has been a few years since my last post, almost sounds like a confession there. Anyway, I have decided to give it a try once again. I am cancer free!! Awesome feeling that is. Also found out I have depression which would make sense out of many things from before. The stigma of depression scared the heck out of me because I suppose we all want to be normal in so many ways. It's kinda funny since my body is no longer normal either, physical scars mar it too. But God loves me the way I am anyway. That alone is a beautiful thought.<br />
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So here is to new beginnings and the hope that my Soul's longings will always be one with God.Bernicehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08451431435457133358noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26120550.post-65484126660289347012012-01-13T13:51:00.003-05:002012-01-13T17:47:58.206-05:00PainWhen a person is under the influence of pain there isn't much they want to do, at least for me that is true. I must say that healing is going very well at this time. The open wound has been steadily getting smaller for the past three to four weeks. What an improvement since the end of October of 2011, praise God for that. I haven't felt much like writing or even being on the internet in the past few weeks, even though I thought I would be back, I found myself basically contemplating about many things. Most of all I have enjoyed my dogs companionship when I haven't felt well. The pooch sensed when I was out of sorts and hurting more than usual he would stay even closer.<br /><br />That reminded me of how much God and Jesus are truly close to us when we seem far away and out of sync because of illness. I began contemplating this closeness in a different way and found my prayers had also changed with this as well. It's as if I was discovering something new about how to pray. I also began to understand that everything happens in Gods time and not ours. When he wants things to be acomplished he makes it happen, not when we try to force the issue. I feel like I was recharged spiritually with this illness and this paticular time period. Maybe that is what I needed to learn with this illness. To discover a new depth of contemplation along with understanding how much God truly loves us all.Marie Cecilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13038456269137125594noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26120550.post-89081962905954194162011-12-16T09:15:00.002-05:002011-12-16T09:29:25.871-05:00A Dog's LoveI have been sleeping in a chair recliner since I've been home from the hospital. I have placed my laptop on a tv tray for easier use and comfort. Unfortunately as I have found out since being home and in this type of arrangement makes it nice for my dog to occupy most to all of my time.<br /><br />He has taken every opportunity to lay on my lap while I'm reclining and or sitting. Talk about a dogs love! After being gone for more than a month I think he is making up for lost time. I love it! Except it also stops me from sitting and using the laptop on the tv tray so my time has been on when he is outside or playing with the other dog. Which he does his business fast enough to get back inside and back on my lap.<br /><br />So my dream of getting back to writing was short lived for the time being. I have to put it this way, the dog knows better than I do the rest that I need and I suppose that is a good thing. No wonder God gave us pets to watch over us just as he gave us guardian angels to watch over and keep us safe at all times. I am forever grateful to God and Jesus for always keeping a close eye on me. More grateful for our Blessed Mother and her mantle of protection.Marie Cecilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13038456269137125594noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26120550.post-18798640411575355922011-12-10T10:18:00.002-05:002011-12-10T10:39:51.551-05:00Woken UpDue to two sites in need of healing, the one that is abdominal is the most painful. Taking pain killers as an aid to keep from hurting too much has been a blessing. I was thinking the other night that I would need to wake up around three o'clock in the morning to take one before waking up completely and in severe pain.<br /><br />Little did I know what to expect, usually I wake up without a problem and many times sleep through the loudest of noises. The other night there was such a loud clash of thunder that did wake me up and once I woke for a bit and took my meds the thunder had stopped. But the oddest part of the thunder was the feeling of anger in it as if to say how loud do I have to get before you wake up. I couldn't help feel as if God was a big part of the whole thing. I was so grateful to have been woken up at 3 a.m. it was amazing.<br /><br />I think the best part was I had the feeling it was all orchestrated by our Heavenly Father out of his love. The thunder did not feel like normal thunder, I don't know how else to explain it. I just somehow knew it came from him.Marie Cecilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13038456269137125594noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26120550.post-73885616189911055502011-12-04T18:56:00.002-05:002011-12-04T19:00:58.648-05:00Starting OverBack home from the hospital and hopefully the rest of the healing will be quick. It's been the toughest struggle of all but I gave it to God. I have found that prayers work best from the heart. Right now I am just getting back online and hopefully will be back to sharing faith on a regular basis. God bless you all and I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving.Marie Cecilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13038456269137125594noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26120550.post-29565354814100061432011-11-24T11:25:00.003-05:002011-11-24T11:49:01.730-05:00Heading to ReHabThe good news is I will finally be able to leave the Hospital. I was told I will be going to a ReHab location tomorrow, just which one I am unsure of as yet.<br /><br />Good news for me is I lost quite of bit of weight since this whole ordeal began. It feels good!! Hair is coming back a bit faster now too. I have I fall asleep like a drop of a hat which is disconcerting. That's why I haven't been on here too much or written. It seems whenever I start next thing I know I'm sound asleep and have lost track of what I was writing. I'm proud of myself to have stayed awake long enough to get this far. God is always on the front burner for me these days especially after have my fourth surgery since i've entered here on October 25th for my first one. Life is never boring as I have met Jan when she was in for her surgery recently. Luckily she has since been gone home and healing quite well.<br /><br />Anyway, I feel the eyeballs about to drift closed so I will end here.Marie Cecilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13038456269137125594noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26120550.post-606410070516552532011-11-14T19:06:00.002-05:002011-11-14T19:15:19.111-05:00HealingIt is a long stay in the hospital this time. Even though my laptop was brought I was not able to use it until I could move my arm and body much better. The pain has been horrendous and now some of the use of my left hand is down to a minimal. I am thankful to have gotten this far after having three surgeries since I've been in here and with another one when the wounds show a good enough healing to close up the breast.<br /><br />I have met many wonderful Nurses and technical assistants. I have had an opportunity to use the hyperbariatric chamber to aid in my skin healing. It's like deep diving and unplugging the ears are quite the chore. Well anyway, hopefully tomorrow I can write some more. Please have a good night.Marie Cecilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13038456269137125594noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26120550.post-59559016722676555692011-11-13T13:56:00.000-05:002014-10-08T07:15:28.543-04:00Long Time<div></div>Marie Cecilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13038456269137125594noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26120550.post-71531498274165288082011-10-24T12:28:00.003-04:002011-10-24T15:55:06.036-04:00LaptopI was thinking of having my laptop brought to the hospital after the surgery, but what they are going to do will most likely render me incapable of picking it up for awhile. So that will make for several days with no posts until I get home and can sit infront of the desktop computer. My imagination at this time is down to nothing regarding what to post. I feel kinda blank at this time.<br /><br />I think it has to do with having too much on the mind regarding this upcoming surgery. Good thing I have an excellent doctor that I trust and that is important. Then I can look forward to putting this time period behind me and making a fresh start. I have often wondered why did I have this illness come about at this time in life, but as with anything that goes on there is always a purpose in God's eyes. Maybe to wake us up to something that is going wrong in our lives or being on the wrong path and not doing what we should be doing.<br /><br />Maybe to wake us up from ourselves and the situations in our lives, to place more trust in God and HIS son Jesus. I have often found that even though illness has struck it does not always mean that it is to remove darkness, especially if the heart is filled with light. But maybe to reveal something else that will improve our life. The posibility of having to change eating habits, or what we do for exercise or how we handle situations. All for the good if we manage to bring about the change that will aid in keeping the body strong just as God and His son Jesus keep our spiritual life strong.<br /><br />Having had to ponder the way of things and to take a closer look at my own life and situation I have seen that my faith is truly strong. I have been to Mass recently and discovered that at the moment the Eucharist is broken and elavated, my heart soars and I feel a smile come upon my lips. It's not something I can make happen on its own because I tried that and it does not work quite that way. It is pure joy!! I am thankful for this gift. That alone speaks loudly of my love for Jesus and our Heavenly Father.Marie Cecilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13038456269137125594noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26120550.post-18106516554985066662011-10-22T00:28:00.003-04:002011-10-22T01:09:02.560-04:00One More Time<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-hJeXAYnq5PA/TqJP2jZtdVI/AAAAAAAABCA/6u2tYXWEk-4/s1600/103_2213.JPG"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5666179079820113234" border="0" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-hJeXAYnq5PA/TqJP2jZtdVI/AAAAAAAABCA/6u2tYXWEk-4/s320/103_2213.JPG" /></a><br />Hopefully this coming Tuesday everything will go well with the reconstruction surgery. Having already gone through several in these past few months this one coming up will be the longest. I don't know why I worry about the little stuff, I haven't seemed to get it out of my system as yet. I shouldn't have to worry about my parents, but I do. They will be the ones who will have to do everything after I get home from the hospital. I feel bad because it has really taken a toll on them both with me having gone through so much already and being home and not being much of a help.<br /><br />Sometimes we argue over the stupidest things when under the influence of chemo drugs. I have noticed as time goes on and the stuff is not as heavy in my blood, the difference is remarkable. Amazing how chemicals can affect a persons body and mind as well. It kills so much that is fast growing that I wonder if it let in evil and destroyed the good. But the soul should not have been affected at all. I think in a different way it has by being taken over by the illness that has made the body physically weak and where once the desire and drive to know more of God and all that pertains to HIS life has taken a back seat due to lack of being able to read or do much else for that matter.<br /><br />I know when I was going through so much the struggle to walk was difficult because of always being short of breath when going short distances. I think because of having been so ill that I lost part of something wonderful when I couldn't focus on much. This whole year has been a trial and an eye opener. I sometimes see myself as not a good person and I always seek improvement. I strive very hard to be good and I seem to fail at it miserably. At least on those occasions when I get to go to confession then I feel rejuvenated and set free.<br /><br />Sometimes my thoughts go into overdrive and I wonder why I can't seem to say the right things or do the right thing at the right moment. Or let anger take control when I am not in control of myself. At those times I have found prayer eludes me, yet my conscience truly goes into high gear. I think at those times it becomes a never ending battle. I often wonder how Jesus would handle things and I have to remind myself that he too had gotten angry, maybe for not the same reasons and that's when I have to remember the difference and remind myself I am human and make mistakes. I cannot say there is a justifiable reason for loosing control of oneself even when under the influence of sickness. That would be like driving a car and loosing control and saying it's okay for hitting that person when not in control of your vehicle. Sometimes and maybe too many times we all make excuses for what happens in our life and fail to take the blame for it. I know in my heart that many times I am to blame and I will admit it. I try very hard to not invite excuses into the way I act or do things in life.<br /><br />I will admit that I do put off doing things until the last moment and I try to not do that. I think that's why this blog is not going too far. Besides it mostly is a journal of sorts about my faith, life and what I have witnessed. Except, since I have been undergoing much with breast cancer it kinda became a source for me to vent in a way. I try not to vent about what bothers me and even then I fail to recognize it when I do it. I don't try to be negative about issues but see the positive about it all. I do apologize if I have made people uncomfortable with this blog and writing about my feelings and hurts.Marie Cecilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13038456269137125594noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26120550.post-10863426637506611212011-10-21T10:31:00.002-04:002011-10-21T10:46:13.559-04:00Prayer To Saint Dominic<div align="center"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_B-q07hc6iA/TqGFgBrdqmI/AAAAAAAABB0/kuiB5S8dcxY/s1600/std02002.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 179px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 320px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5665956591461837410" border="0" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_B-q07hc6iA/TqGFgBrdqmI/AAAAAAAABB0/kuiB5S8dcxY/s320/std02002.jpg" /></a><br /><strong><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="color:#000099;">God of Truth You gave Your church a new light<br />in the life and preaching of our Father Dominic.<br />Give us the help we need to support our preaching by holy and simple lives.<br />We ask this through our Lord Jesus Christ,<br />your Son, who lives and reigns with You<br />and the Holy Spirit, God, forever and ever.<br /><br />Amen.<br /></span><br /></span></strong></div>Marie Cecilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13038456269137125594noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26120550.post-10318725962243012012011-10-19T09:35:00.001-04:002011-10-19T09:36:59.785-04:00A MARIAN PRAYER<div align="center"><strong><span style="font-size:130%;">A MARIAN PRAYER<br />of the 11 TH CENTURY</span></strong><br />(Source Unknown) </div><br /><div align="center"><br /></div><br /><div align="center">O Mary, you are inviolate,<br />pure and without stain,<br />you who became the glistening gate of heaven.<br />O most dear and gracious Mother of Jesus,<br />receive our modest songs of praise.<br /><br />We beg you with heart and lips:<br />make our bodies and our souls pure.<br />By your sweet prayers,<br />obtain eternal pardon for us.<br />O Mother most kind!<br />O Queen!<br />O Mary!<br />Who alone remained inviolate!<br /><br /></div>Marie Cecilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13038456269137125594noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26120550.post-44309873869752732192011-10-17T15:55:00.006-04:002014-10-08T07:15:28.539-04:00Just MeI finally took a picture of myself without my hair since I lost it from chemotherapy. It finally is starting to grow back and kinda feels like sand paper in some spots. Since I am kinda bashful and don't always show my picture, this is part of the healing process to overcome some obstacles as well as other things. This is one of my better days since my journey began with the cancer. I am just trying to figure out how I ended up with such a crooked smile, must be from sleeping on the left side too much. (laughing at that.) Anyway, this is the face God gave me and he doesn't make junk. <a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-yFDAuvsh79w/TpyIfsjC0_I/AAAAAAAABBk/yf09nJQXo4c/s1600/103_2255.JPG"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5664552509440709618" border="0" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-yFDAuvsh79w/TpyIfsjC0_I/AAAAAAAABBk/yf09nJQXo4c/s320/103_2255.JPG" /></a>Marie Cecilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13038456269137125594noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26120550.post-9397062451021630302011-10-13T09:07:00.002-04:002011-10-13T09:58:18.072-04:00DiscoveryI feel like there is void going on inside of me these past few days. I discovered that I have no words to write. I've searched and found nothing! Is this what they call quiet time? I am wondering since I had those words if I am to just be in the Here and Now and not worry about tomorrow or the next day.<br /><br />I have discovered I do worry too much about mundane stuff. I've prayed to have this taken away from me or somehow not be as intense. I didn't realize I was doing it that much until I took note of it. Not an easy thing to do considering I have had nothing but time on my hands with recovering from this illness. I have discovered how truly imperfect I am and am very thankful for it too. I suppose at this stage in my life it is not easy not to worry, but that is something I really need to stop doing and let go and let God take over.<br /><br />I want to cry because I have found that part is not easy as I had thought. I had given over and let go of so much already in my life to God and now I have found another part that needs to be given up. How do I begin the process, yet several days ago I did attempt that very thing. I don't have control of many things and it seems there is so much already in my life that I have found what I did control has been taken away from me. In a sense from what I see is Gods hand in purifying my life to make room for something better. Or to cleanse what did not belong. If I asked to have a clean mind, heart and body then this is his way of removing the blight that keeps him from being close.<br /><br />I think I like the fact that God is pulling out all the stops to create in me a clean evironment for HIM to dwell in.Marie Cecilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13038456269137125594noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26120550.post-19859677582067320122011-10-07T14:49:00.003-04:002011-10-07T15:01:47.596-04:00Here and NowWhile doing some research regarding my upcoming reconstruction I interiorly received the words "Here and Now" very faintly. I love when it comes across in a very faint and soft way. These words are from a song, a very beautiful one too.<br /><br /><object width="420" height="315"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/nFIOu2sYxoc?version=3&hl=en_US"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><br /><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/nFIOu2sYxoc?version=3&hl=en_US" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="420" height="315" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true"></embed></object>Marie Cecilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13038456269137125594noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26120550.post-16179957818559209972011-10-05T10:03:00.003-04:002011-10-05T10:52:24.979-04:00BlessingsWould it be possible to start this whole year all over again? Would the outcome be any different if I chose to have done things differently? As I have pondered these things I have come to the conclusion that it is part of God's plan in how it all turned out. Accepting HIS plan regarding how life has turned out can be an amazing thing. Looking at things in a positive way helps in keeping hope alive as things don't always go well at times.<br /><br />Like trying to keep a log of blood pressure when the machine takes umpteen times to even record a pressure. That can be frustrating along with a painful arm from having to squeeze the daylights out of it to obtain a blood pressure reading. What makes matters worst is I'm only allowed to use one arm since they took out lymph nodes in the other. No blood draws or blood pressure from the left side. I sometimes wonder if my body has finally gone the route of dysfunctional.<br /><br />The healing process is a very slow one for me. I am grateful when I hear how others have recovered wonderfully from beginning to end. Realizing how unique my situation is and how lucky I am to have been given this time to focus more on faith, love and hope along with being with my parents as they face their own difficulties with health. I see how caring for me has taken a huge toll on them and how tired they are during the day. Seeing my dad slowly doing less and seeing my mom worry over how he is doing. She keeps her spirits up knowing one day he will be gone from her, yet she doesn't let on how it affects her. I know it bothers me when I see my dad eat less and then doesn't want to walk or move around because of pain. How it seems as if he is wasting away not using his muscles. The elderly have a difficult life when they too are ill and not in shape to care for themselves.<br /><br />I sometimes wonder how my mom does it without getting angry. Her faith is much more stronger than mine, even when she says to me my faith is very strong. I know this morning even though things aren't going so well I chose to remind myself that things will get better and looked forward to a brighter future if it is God's plan for my life. When my mom and myself have conversations, she always manages to say she would not trade places with me because of all that I have gone through with this cancer. She feels I have been through the proverbial ringer with this one. I must admit it has been quite an experience. If I had to go through it again, I would.<br /><br />Well they say life is not easy and that's the truth. Loving God is easy when life goes smoothly but when the trials begin finding love for God can sometimes be difficult. Looking at our own relationships with our spouses, children or siblings sometimes we find love difficult when we don't feel good or feel slighted from those we love. Sometimes it's the same with God, we often ask if he is there when we are down. As much as we read and hear from others, that is when he is carrying us and is the closest. I know from this illness and treatment that I didn't always see things clearly or know how loved I was by others until it was pointed out.<br /><br />I think that is why they stress keeping faith alive and strong when going through cancer treatments along with keeping a positive attitude can beat the odds. My hope for today is that others will see the love God has for them through the eyes of others. May those who read this today be blessed by another with a hug and a smile.Marie Cecilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13038456269137125594noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26120550.post-73005244302765648602011-10-01T13:57:00.003-04:002011-10-01T14:05:32.392-04:00A Bit of Poetry<div align="center"><span style="font-size:130%;">Hope</span></div><br /><div align="center"></div><br /><div align="center">Hope is the thing with feathers</div><br /><div align="center">That perches in the soul, </div><br /><div align="center">And sings the tune without the words,</div><br /><div align="center"></div><br /><div align="center">And never stops at all, </div><br /><div align="center"></div><br /><div align="center">And sweetest in the gale is heard;</div><br /><div align="center">And sore must be the storm</div><br /><div align="center">That could abash the little bird</div><br /><div align="center">That kept so many warm. </div><br /><div align="center"></div><br /><div align="center">I've heard it in the chillest land, </div><br /><div align="center">And on the strangest sea;</div><br /><div align="center">Yet, never, in the extremity,</div><br /><div align="center">It asked a crumb of me.</div><br /><div align="center"></div><br /><div align="center">By: Emily Dickinson</div>Marie Cecilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13038456269137125594noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26120550.post-13511242824831339322011-10-01T12:45:00.002-04:002011-10-01T13:03:29.064-04:00ExampleSince getting out of the hospital, I have seen my Oncologist and Nurse Practitioner three times and another appointment coming up. When I saw my doctor on Friday she told me I have been very sick after mentioning that another doctor was booking a time in late October for the reconstruction. I didn't get to mention the time but she said no reconstruction because of being so ill, my body will not be able to handle the surgery at this time. Frightening to think that even after a month my body will not be in shape for surgery.<br /><br />Thinking about all that has gone on and the trials and no benefits forthcoming it's easy to want to give in. I took stock of what I own and all I have to sell is a treadmill and airbike. I have nothing of value to ease my burden. I have to look at this in God's perspective, that he wants me to be poor in spirit and live the beatitudes. I can't say I'm doing a good job of it when I want to rail at God and make me better to be able to support myself and take care of my needs. The pitfalls of being of single, but it doesn't matter anyway since I get taken advantage of by those who have. Even when I got my car they I got suckered. I'm not upset, I just figure I must have to pay for some sort of sin. I am a prime example of how God truly does take away and I suppose that is okay, someone needs to be an example. Then maybe when I die I will have overcome purgatory and will find my eternal home in heaven.<br /><br />Because my recovery has taken so long and the shortness of breath I seem to be having had me thinking on the path of death, that maybe my body is just too tired. I lack energy even when I go up the stairs it is a chore and the shortness of breath has me wondering when my last is. These are my concerns and I offer them all up to a very loving God who I know will take care of me in his own way and not mine.Marie Cecilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13038456269137125594noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26120550.post-86141476632465713412011-09-26T08:09:00.003-04:002011-09-26T08:27:22.503-04:00Sharing FaithTalk about having a tough time of things. I ended up back in the hospital on Wednesday when I went to the emergency room on the orders of my doctor because of a high fever and shortness of breath. But in the emergency room they found my blood pressure was fluctuating. At one point they were going to send me home but when it dropped they decided to keep me there and then placed me in the step down from icu unit, I was finally sent home on Sunday in stable condition, my blood pressure stopped dropping. Yet I still continue to make a low grade fever. My white cell count was very high so they also treated me for infection that they could not find. I suppose thats a good thing.<br /><br />While I was in the hospital I met a Chaplain who I had the opportunity to show my pictures that are on my IPOD of the Eucharist and she mentioned she heard the story but now met me and I shared after she mentioned a lot more with her. I looked at the moment as God sending me that person who would understand.<br /><br />Anyway, what a way to end chemotherapy!Marie Cecilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13038456269137125594noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26120550.post-37721509624424794522011-09-20T13:46:00.003-04:002011-09-20T14:07:00.444-04:00LessonsHow often do we read something that we can truly associate with. Well I have and this article titled <a href="http://catholicexchange.com/2011/09/20/159248/"><span style="color:#990000;"><strong>Murder by Gossip</strong></span></a> is one that I can relate to. When I first began writing about my experience with the Eucharist and some issues that I was dealing with in my life, I was confused at the time because of the enormity of what I was experiencing. Walking through God's Spirit is one of them and what I was given regarding that. There is not a single person on this planet earth that will ever understand what exactly happened and what I was given, If there is I would like to meet them.<br /><br />To make a long story as short as possible, there was another blogger who befriended me, then out of the blue wrote on their blog that because I was confused, I was evil. If that wasn't murder by gossip I don't know what else to say, and this came from a catholic. I have dealt with many unbelievers in the catholic faith, maybe due to their own jealousy for what I was given along with the proof. I have forgiven this person for murdering my character and God's work as I began to understand what God did for me.<br /><br />I did continue to write and also continue to have moments of extreme doubt about it all due to the fact that I was thinking I was evil. May God forgive me for letting this anguish take root in my heart and mind to cause God more hurt from another. That's why I don't feel the world is ready for what I have to show them.Marie Cecilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13038456269137125594noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26120550.post-33273832498587123892011-09-18T20:11:00.003-04:002011-09-18T20:20:39.069-04:00HopeI should know better not to write when the mind is not at peak performance, but sometimes it's good to let out what we feel. It's not easy when the thinking process is under assault from drugs. One can only imagine what the young an old go through taking drugs that alter their minds let alone stuff to bring healing.<br /><br />It did get worst this time around along with the tiredness to walk and go up and down the stairs. I have found it quite the chore to go up them. I know the pictures I have are priceless and should not be destroyed at all but shown. Only problem many may never fully see or grasp what is there. I have come to realize that they may never be shown at all because it totally depends on God and HIS desire. For all I know they may just be for me because of the issues I have been dealing with to give strength at a time when the world that has gone very wrong. I would like to think there may be hope after all but when reading about all that is going on out there I wonder if the end is nearer than we all think.Marie Cecilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13038456269137125594noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26120550.post-7032169323645481862011-09-17T14:01:00.003-04:002011-09-17T14:19:22.230-04:00Overcoming the HurdlesI know this world has many flaws that mar the beauty that God created. The flaws are made by man and put there to create chaos. Such as trying to create their own creatures or digging underground tunnels to co join other parts of the world throwing many things out of balance. Drilling for oil and wasting precious fuel, all man made destruction on a large scale. The poor are the ones who do not benefit from what greed has done to mar the world.<br /><br />God made our world to be used by all not by a select few, yet wars are fought to own land, oil, riches. Who is the winner when many die to possess what we cannot take when we die to begin with. So what is the purpose then to possess if it not shared by all. That had me thinking about the pictures I have of the Eucharist and my thought of destroying them so no one may ever see them and cause a ruckus in the world. These pictures are not worth a thing but in sentiment only for myself. If I destroy them, the proof that God exists will no longer be and that will basically end it altogether. I didn't seek any fame or fortune for what God gave freely, but to give the world his countenance. Yet I have found nothing good in this world that merits saving it from itself. That's very sad indeed when the majority of the world seeks to destroy rather than save.<br /><br />I think I will be contemplating the next step in deciding the fate of the pictures. May God guide my hand and my thoughts before I do something that will be not be able to be undone. Maybe I too can overcome the hurdles this world has brought.Marie Cecilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13038456269137125594noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26120550.post-25582945156310594282011-09-15T21:36:00.003-04:002011-09-16T14:06:11.863-04:00Hanging in There AgainThe past few days have been hanging in there ones. The tiredness, the mood changes have been a toll lately. I've been fighting a battle that I seem to think that I may be loosing, but I was told that the mind has a key role in good health. So in keeping that in mind, it's par for the course when the meds affect it. Then it gets all the more harder to overcome the battle.<br /><br />We all want things to go well when we aren't feeling well, but it's not always the case. I suppose the same can be said about faith when these things hit and we find at times questions that pop in that have no answer. I think then the cross that we carry becomes extremely heavy and unbearable. I've often wondered how others manage to stay very strong and conquer the fear, the doubts that often assail a person when sickness overcomes them. <br /><br />I know my mom often mentions that my faith has always been strong but lately I have wondered if it is as strong as strong as she says. Those doubts are what kills the thinking process and begins to eat away at my soul at times. Then I struggle all the more to keep myself from falling into a state of unbelief. Why does this even happen when something truly wonderful was given to me in the way of the Eucharist. That bothers me immensely trying to understand those moments of doubt. I want to be strong and faith filled, filled with joy, but have found at odd moments death and unfeeling and at a loss as to why this is occuring. The moments when prayer is non existent and wonder if any prayer is even answered. I feel like I've run the gauntlet too long and failed each step of the way. I still have hope that tommorrow will find a new day and a new dawn.Marie Cecilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13038456269137125594noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26120550.post-2102487663478431612011-09-13T19:01:00.002-04:002011-09-13T19:09:25.681-04:00The RobeRemember the movie "The Robe" I've always loved this movie along with Jesus of Nazareth. I decided to play it tonight out of a need to keep focused after my treatment. I somehow loose something after I have the infusion. So this is my way of keeping God and Jesus in focus. <br /><br />I have figured out that when I get the injection the day after the infusion, that causes some of the tiredness and body aches along with voice loss, but the shot works. This is getting to be the last leg of the journey with chemotherapy. Next step is the reconstruction and that should be the end. Other than periodic check ups to make sure no cancer has come back. I praise God that they were able to get it out in the early stage. I think that's why I enjoy watching those special movies about the life and passion of Jesus. <br /><br />The suffering he went through to save us, helps me to focus upon the cross during my trials.Marie Cecilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13038456269137125594noreply@blogger.com0