October 05, 2011


Would it be possible to start this whole year all over again? Would the outcome be any different if I chose to have done things differently? As I have pondered these things I have come to the conclusion that it is part of God's plan in how it all turned out. Accepting HIS plan regarding how life has turned out can be an amazing thing. Looking at things in a positive way helps in keeping hope alive as things don't always go well at times.

Like trying to keep a log of blood pressure when the machine takes umpteen times to even record a pressure. That can be frustrating along with a painful arm from having to squeeze the daylights out of it to obtain a blood pressure reading. What makes matters worst is I'm only allowed to use one arm since they took out lymph nodes in the other. No blood draws or blood pressure from the left side. I sometimes wonder if my body has finally gone the route of dysfunctional.

The healing process is a very slow one for me. I am grateful when I hear how others have recovered wonderfully from beginning to end. Realizing how unique my situation is and how lucky I am to have been given this time to focus more on faith, love and hope along with being with my parents as they face their own difficulties with health. I see how caring for me has taken a huge toll on them and how tired they are during the day. Seeing my dad slowly doing less and seeing my mom worry over how he is doing. She keeps her spirits up knowing one day he will be gone from her, yet she doesn't let on how it affects her. I know it bothers me when I see my dad eat less and then doesn't want to walk or move around because of pain. How it seems as if he is wasting away not using his muscles. The elderly have a difficult life when they too are ill and not in shape to care for themselves.

I sometimes wonder how my mom does it without getting angry. Her faith is much more stronger than mine, even when she says to me my faith is very strong. I know this morning even though things aren't going so well I chose to remind myself that things will get better and looked forward to a brighter future if it is God's plan for my life. When my mom and myself have conversations, she always manages to say she would not trade places with me because of all that I have gone through with this cancer. She feels I have been through the proverbial ringer with this one. I must admit it has been quite an experience. If I had to go through it again, I would.

Well they say life is not easy and that's the truth. Loving God is easy when life goes smoothly but when the trials begin finding love for God can sometimes be difficult. Looking at our own relationships with our spouses, children or siblings sometimes we find love difficult when we don't feel good or feel slighted from those we love. Sometimes it's the same with God, we often ask if he is there when we are down. As much as we read and hear from others, that is when he is carrying us and is the closest. I know from this illness and treatment that I didn't always see things clearly or know how loved I was by others until it was pointed out.

I think that is why they stress keeping faith alive and strong when going through cancer treatments along with keeping a positive attitude can beat the odds. My hope for today is that others will see the love God has for them through the eyes of others. May those who read this today be blessed by another with a hug and a smile.

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