September 15, 2011

Hanging in There Again

The past few days have been hanging in there ones. The tiredness, the mood changes have been a toll lately. I've been fighting a battle that I seem to think that I may be loosing, but I was told that the mind has a key role in good health. So in keeping that in mind, it's par for the course when the meds affect it. Then it gets all the more harder to overcome the battle.

We all want things to go well when we aren't feeling well, but it's not always the case. I suppose the same can be said about faith when these things hit and we find at times questions that pop in that have no answer. I think then the cross that we carry becomes extremely heavy and unbearable. I've often wondered how others manage to stay very strong and conquer the fear, the doubts that often assail a person when sickness overcomes them.

I know my mom often mentions that my faith has always been strong but lately I have wondered if it is as strong as strong as she says. Those doubts are what kills the thinking process and begins to eat away at my soul at times. Then I struggle all the more to keep myself from falling into a state of unbelief. Why does this even happen when something truly wonderful was given to me in the way of the Eucharist. That bothers me immensely trying to understand those moments of doubt. I want to be strong and faith filled, filled with joy, but have found at odd moments death and unfeeling and at a loss as to why this is occuring. The moments when prayer is non existent and wonder if any prayer is even answered. I feel like I've run the gauntlet too long and failed each step of the way. I still have hope that tommorrow will find a new day and a new dawn.

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