August 09, 2011

Painful Moments

Discovering imperfection is not easy, my mom explained how medicine can affect how we perceive different things. The past few days while doing the rosary in the evening, my dads voice has been monotone to the point that it was beginning to irritate my senses as we were progressing. I didn't understand how the chemotherapy has affected not only my stomach with nausea but my senses as well. I have grown concerned and very apologetic over the odd behavior that has come about. I have prayed for patience in a time when my patience is thin from illness and not feeling very well, I have prayed for more love for my parents as I struggle each day trying to hold down what little is in me of food and concern over what is happening physically. I pray that each time nothing dire will happen but find it pointless as the body will go through what it has too.

I ask God's constant pardon and forgiveness when I can't comprehend why it is all happening. I read the Bible and seek guidance to find verses that proclaim curses and I want to cry out why, why, why. Nothing at this time is familiar to me as I wage this battle with the body. The bathroom has become my best friend and so has my bed for comfort as I lay there praying to take it all away or aid me as I try to deal with it all. These are my painful moments as my belly becomes painful with spasms. I don't want to call the doctors and bother them unless it's dire. But today it became so when nothing would stay down and then the low grade temp sets in. I don't know how some people actually deal with it all when confronted with so many obstacles and keep their head about themselves along with their faith.

As I sit here and let out these moments of grief I look at the best picture of them all, that of Jesus to be my constant strength, his look of love says it all for me and I continue to plod along and hope tomorrow will be a better day.

4 Words of Wisdom:

Faith said...

Try writing poetry and journaling. Next year you'll be looking back at what you wrote in amazement and thanking God.
Mark on a calendar the # of times a day you throw up, or have spasms, so you can tell if you're getting better or worse.
Do you feel well enough to write an article for the province's newsletter? I was thinking of an article on "prayer." It would be specifically on suffering as prayer. About 250 words, which is just a page.
Can you do this?

Marie Cecile said...

Hi Faith, this blog is pretty much my journaling. Thank you for the idea of putting the # of times spasms hit and throwing up on those days. That would be a big help. I would love to write an article for the province's newsletter. Let me know when you need it by and if it will definitely be on prayer and suffering as prayer. I consider it an honor to do this for our fellow Dominican family.

Faith said...

Thank you. I'll need it by Sept. 15th--about a page but that's very flexible.

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