May 13, 2011

Back to Work

Well this past Monday my last drain was taken out and that allowed me to be able to go back to work on Thursday. I nearly slept the whole day Tuesday from the exhaustion. Then on Wednesday I finally had a chance to hold my new great neice that was recently baptized. I had the first chance of meeting her on Easter morning, not the day she was baptized but when everyone came over for Easter breakfast because I was still recuperating. Well anyhow, she fell asleep in my arms, but after they left I was extremely tired and again slept the day away.

Going back to work on Thursday was the hardest day of all, going back to changes and none of them pleasant at this time. I often have wondered if they are seeking to have me leave by the deliberate issues that have come about, I can only pray that somehow I can get through this trial as best as possible because I am still healing physically while my emotional mind is on tenderhooks.

Thoughts of where would I go and what would I be able to do and then the thought of not getting the treatment needed causes more stress than I need at this time as the changes occur at work. I feel helpless, lost, alone and sometimes hopeless when people say they care and do the opposite. It just doesn't compute.

Sometimes these trials are very painful to handle and deal with, but then I turn to God and to Jesus and our Blessed Mother and St. Michael the Archangel for assistance to keep me safe in a time when I don't feel very safe nor secure.

One thing I have found that while I was home I was focusing more on faith, prayers and doing what I was called to do. I have enjoyed not rushing to do my morning and evening Liturgy of Hours these days. But what I enjoyed most of all is finally taking my lunch break when I have given so many of them up. But my Doctor advised me to take those breaks when needed to keep up my strength and also to allow rest of the mind and body. Why have I been so stupid to let them allow guilt trips to stop the lunch from happening in the first place. Maybe God will allow me to see the places that I need to change in myself to be a stronger person when it comes to dealing with those who are not always on the nice side of things on the workforce.

Sometimes I would love to see St Micheal appear at times and fight the battle and make them see the error of their way, but then I too must see my own error as well. Hopefully on this time back at work will find a better success at things and not just a nice person being used and abused but mutual respect. These are my thoughts that I write and I realize that I am at fault many a time for words that my have escaped my lips that would cause them to wonder what is going on with me. Yet I am told one must be crazy to work in our department. So maybe the whole world is and we need to sit back and let God in to bring us out of the haze of craziness. God I love you so much and if that makes me crazy then I am the biggest fool in love with someone that exists but cannot see and yet I do see him. I must be crazy then after all. Only God is my judge and defender. Lead me on the path that I will walk and hold his hand for a lifetime of happiness.

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