April 02, 2010

These Holy Days

Ever wonder how Peter felt when he denied knowing Jesus at a time in Jesus life when he needed support from those closest to him most of all. I had that chance today at work when my co-workers were bent on rejoicing in evil rather than the good. Mockery of having meat to eat, along with the mention of voodoo and imagine the rest of how the day went. It came to the point that I just completely lost it and joined their rapport. I mentioned I hated God because out of all the kindness that one does for others, it is only repaid with unkindness and I wondered where God was out of that.

I wondered in those moments how much the evil rapport that took place all day took hold of my heart and ripped it out. I wondered why the ache I felt on Holy Thursday evening prompted the hurt in my own heart for my own part in betraying God his very existance among those I work with. It turned out to be a very sad day indeed when I took part in the agony Jesus suffered for our sake. I am no better than anyone else in this world, if anything I am harder on myself for I let those I work with play their bitter game. I'm not complaining but admitting my defeat in conquering evil when confronted with it among those who I work with.

At tonight's Good Friday readings I came to understand the power of evil and how much Peter must have felt that night when he denied Jesus three times. I too feel broken and deeply sorrowful for my weakness when it was a moment where faith should have shined brightly. Did I learn a lesson today? Absolutely, a test of faith, perhaps. But it is in knowing who my enemies are and who they follow and I certainly don't want to go there. Perhaps it will bring ever greater faith and love in understanding the Gospel and its very truth.

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