July 03, 2009

Eyes Of Faith

Ever try getting over a hurdle that seems huge. The thought of becoming a religious never leaves me, but my obstacle is heart disease and diabetes. Two factors that will stop the process no matter what. I had notions of creating a religious order in the beginning and turning my parents home into a convent of sorts. It was an idea that had possibilities. Father Plasse had even mentioned a sort of cloister here and I was all for it. I would take the vows in a heartbeat, my love for God is that great. More than anything if it be God's will for me and His desire that this comes about, then by His grace it will flourish and come to reality. So much has taken place here for myself by God as well as for my parents. My mom was led here for a reason, a magnificent story in itself as well.

The Eucharist has been a special part in it all as well. The last two times I read at mass have been unique ones. Especially at communion when just before Monsignor Gosselin distributes the host, my eyes are closed and reflecting the awaiting moment when I too can partake. But somehow I can hear all that is going on but fail to notice when he approaches. I end up in a state of shock drawn out of the very depths when he begins to say The Body of Christ. I didn't think anything of it the first time it happened. But this time it happened again and when I closed my eyes awaiting the Blood of Christ, it also happened again but the depths were far deeper. Odd to be able to hear and know when one should open their eyes as the person approaches, yet I could not as I was so immersed.

There a few times I recall that during the Eucharitic prayers the same happened, that after they were said and it was time to stand, I would still be kneeling and completely oblivious. I never knew how treasured those moments are until realizing how close at those moments one is with our loving God. I remember those few times, prior to what I saw and also after. I thought it was odd to have happened and now I rejoice for the love of God for what He has done for me. I pray many will come this close to God to know of the depths of His love.

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