February 19, 2009

My Thoughts

Making the rounds continued yesterday when I spent wonderful time in the Chapel at St. Josephs Abbey. Those quiet moments, like a silent retreat often bring the greatest reward. When daily pressures of life often zap the life out of you, those quiet times are needed to restore balance.

Last night we had Lectio Divina as part of the Scripture sharing. One should leave those gatherings enlightened by the Word of God, yet I found discouragement upon leaving. As if nothing was accomplished or gained. The focus was mainly upon three people who imputed their thoughts the whole time. When I was about to speak I was cut off and not allowed to continue. I wonder if I do this to God too when he attempts to impart his love. Do I cut him off and seek my own way.

No matter what God has imparted to me by way of what I see, I don't claim to be nothing more than his servant. I never once thought I was worthy to receive any special grace, yet numerous times I was given those moments as a his way to say I love you when no one else does. And I continue to love them as well even when I am treated as if I was not there when I sit among them.

I have to wonder, if I too also treat Jesus and God as if they too are not present. What a concept to think about!! Do I realy love God when I treat my neighbor as if they are beneath my feet. Am I showing the evilness in my heart then? But then again these are my thoughts and often others love to point out my errors, so then too I must be evil as well, since I am first of all a sinner. Hence there is nothing Holy about me, nothing pure, nor pleasant. And this is all because of an evening that brought about negativity rather than unite and create harmony among God's children. I am not ashamed to love God, but it seems others are ashamed to know me.

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