July 26, 2008

The Reason For Living

A few nights ago I awoke in the middle of the night to a few words from a song that were quite nice and very unexpected. I know the title and am doing a search for the lyrics. As I have recalled there was only a few words that were similar to the title that I know but as I woke to it, I ended up phrasing a question in response to what it was I was receiving in sleep. I didn't think too much about it, except it has kept coming to mind when I get home and I begin to relax. This particular song is not well known as I have not been able to find the lyrics with the song title. But as I begin to focus on the song I begin to wonder if it is this exact thing that I am to do. To be drawn to the song in the first place and listen with the heart and not with the ears to what the words will convey.

In a sense the same when I read the Bible and am drawn to a particular verse. To let it simmer and stew like food cooking within my soul. There have been moments where I have questioned to which direction I am to go. It has not been an easy road and I'm sure the title of the song "Where Shall I Go" spoke loudly as well my interior wonder as well. It seems a coinciding factor of a twofold nature. To know more of my interior heart and to know my direction in vocation. I had such a big question in that regard for the past few weeks that I literaly talked myself out of pursuing the religious life as well. I mentioned it hasn't been easy and it hasn't. The trials that seem to put a dent in many things. One was a flooding in our basement and takling that problem before the humidity of water made for a permanent home to mold and mildew. The dehumidifier has been not stop with so far emptying the container twice a day.

It's in those times when confronted with obstacles in life that I wonder if my direction is on the right path and the questions grow and so do the prayers as well. The garden this year is meager, I placed the tomato plants too close together and the rabbits had a field day with the now non existent brussel sprouts and kale plants. The string beans plants had the tops eaten and are slowly coming back. But I did manage to see a nice yellow squash come out, not yet ready to pluck from the plant. I'm trying also butternut squash again this year, in a different spot since last year it died. Who knows maybe it will come about this year. I have begun to see the red onions taking shape. This too is the second attempt at growing them. And this time the results are looking good as well. Hot peppers are also producing pretty well, better than I thought since regular green peppers I have had no good results with them.

I think if I get to plant next year, I am definitely going to try a better way of doing it naturally where the plants do well. Oh and the weeds have been growing just as abundantly as the rest the plants. By now weeding has been nearly not as successful. I tried placing leaves on the ground as an added help in that regard. With the rain we've been having it has done its job in allowing the growth of what we deem weeds in the flower garden as well. It's all nature at it's best and it's showing that it has the right to take over just as much as the flower and vegetable plants have in occupying the ground space. Silly thought in that analogy but when we stop manicuring the area it has a way of spreading like leaven. Just like the the surrounding woods and how the underbrush takes over and fill in areas that once was tread upon.

In that regard isn't our hearts similar when sin enters, it begins to spread and take over what once was clean. Or on the other hand it can be the other way as well when we let love in, it takes over and fills in the void. The other day I was coming out of the store where I get my prescriptions and I saw this young lady I used to work with. I was so happy to see Nadia after all these years. She still doesn't speak English too well, but that is okay, her love spoke volumes when she hugged me like a long lost sister. I met her husband who is very nice. She came from Europe, I think it was either Poland or Kazakstan. The people that worked at that job came from many parts of Europe and Asia. That's where I learned the art of communicating without learning other languages, it was through the love I had for them all. They were all a great group of people and I miss them all very much. Sometimes we don't always think we are loved by others until one day we meet up with them and their eyes and their hearts glow with happiness and love upon seeing one another again.

That reminds me of how it is with my relationship with God, those wonderful moments when we touch, how the heart and soul lights up with love.

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