December 10, 2007

The Spirit

As part of the Advent journey with our Blessed Mother I will be writing of the night of the Spirit's visit and the effect it had. I relayed some of this on Sunday in a car with a few others on our way back from a retreat with the CCD students. So I am going to relate it here also as part of the Advent journey.

After I had seen our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament and took pictures as testimony, many things came about after. The night was not an unusual one, went to bed as usual, had fallen asleep. I was to wake up sometime after midnight and used the facilities. But something was not quite right, the water pump wasn't shutting off. So back up to check things out and to also check the pump. I woke my dad and we found the problem. It was the sprayer on the hose outside, it was broken and the water wasn't shut off at the faucet. Once we tackled the problem off to bed my dad went and I went back downstairs to the cellar. I was about to go back to bed but something prodded me to collect my dog in the other room. But as I stepped through the doorway and turned on the light I saw what looked like a fog or like a cloud but in a clear to white type of color or opaqueness to it just in front of the counter. I didn't even think after turning on the light and then stepping through the matter to have my open eyes with a coating on them with the opaque matter. Once I walked through it, it vanished. The only remnants were on my eyes, no where else on my body did I feel this matter. All I could think was I just walked through God's Spirit.

After bringing the dog back to his bed, I finally got into mine and as I was about to fall asleep, interiorly I heard the most beautiful voice a human could ever hear say that the Father would die for me. And me in my own stubborn way, plus my own uncertainty from the bad relationship, I didn't want to think that I was just visited by a Divine presence let alone God's Spirit. I was in so much awe with what I was already seeing and some of the interior messages that were happening and to even think I was chosen by Him who sees all and knows all. My mind at the time didn't want to believe what deep in my heart I knew was the truth. And to think on our Blessed Mother and how beautifully she responded to her calling and me in my own smallness fumbled as if I weren't worthy of such a gift. I didn't want to say it out loud or even write it in such a way as to make me more than I am, when I am nothing but His footstool to rest His feet upon. It took hearing others relate their personal experiences for me to come to grips with His choosing a lowly person as myself.

When I did write a bit about it I didn't put any significance on my part, at least I don't think I did. But from that night on I felt something quite beautiful within myself. It was a holiness that was more than a person could ever imagine. I knew a deep love for contemplation, a deep love for the Mass, I burned for everything that was Holy. My body in the clothes that I wore had to be covered, I couldn't undress in front of another, modesty was a big part of it all also. It was the oddest time of my life and yet it was the most beautiful part that I will always have as a part of me. As my body grew accustomed to His presence so did I grow in His holiness. For He is Holiness itself. There is no description that could ever come close to the Holiness that I knew and still know. But like a fine wine, when it matures tastes even better. So too when we grow in holiness with God. There is nothing to fear then. And I feared, not Him, but the truth of His calling me. Our Blessed Mother wasn't a sinner so what she was asked made her answer to Him easier. In our age just as it may have been in her time, the supernatural is not easy to take because it is not a common occurance in our day to day lives. And out of it all I also didn't want to place myself in the area of Our Blessed Mother. But understand how she was called, I definitely can understand the truth of it.

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