December 29, 2007


It was one of the oddest mornings I've ever had in quite awhile yesterday. A few of us at work greet each other with a kiss on the cheek or a hug. That part wasn't unusual it was what came after that made the rest of the morning one that literally had my mind and soul in a tizzy. There was a touch of misunderstanding where work was given to me started by others and confusion seemed to be a bit of a problem. But it was addressed soon after to clear up the mess. Well anyway I don't know if that is the reason for what ended up transpiring throughout my thoughts for the remainder of the morning.

I didn't know it was part of my thinking and yet it was there, it had to do with not believing in God and the circumstances that seemed to have occurred in life. It was a whole range of complete unbelief and one that I found completely unusual. It bothered me so much this interior unbelief, that I could not even remotely pray during the discourse. It was quite similar to a day where I also had undergone what seemed as if moments of absolute hopelessness and despair. Yet that day too when I left the building I received something very pleasant and it was peace. So the same also yesterday when I left the building and sat alone in my car. Where the inkling of peace came and another thought with it that of one of the young people that I greet each morning, where I was reminded of his belief, which is none at all. He turned atheist and was once catholic. Well anyway I went back in from lunch and all was fine after that.

When I came home I related the whole thing to my mother and we began to talk of so much and it had to do with belief, because I wondered if it was truly me who didn't believe or did I end up being the recipient of understanding someone else's pain. That brought the conversation to what I truly felt in the way of Holiness and how it felt and the description is hard to put into words. There are some things that I don't understand and yet I know and at times uncertain. And the tears last night while talking about the most beautiful feeling a person could ever have. Yet how can anyone understand these things that happen. I question is it me then that undergoes the pain of unbelief, and yet I believe more than anyone could ever imagine. This morning when I read the Gospel and reflected upon it, I was reminded of yesterday and what I endured. Was it a private revelation of another that was revealed to me and why.

I have begun to wonder at times when specific things happen in my life prior to a reading I begin to see it unfold before my eyes the truth of the Gospel message. At least for me I know and believe in the Bible.

2 Words of Wisdom:

teresa_anawim2 said...

Trials of life. Those temptations are so common to us ALL! And I don't like to go through them. Even Jesus felt alone and forsaken.
I was listening to a book on tape I got from the library just last week and the author was into the 'everything is myth' idea. What are we to take as truth and what are we to take as just stories passed down by the early believers ...stories which evolved over the years.That opened the door to a lot of doubt which I had to pray through.
But...the whole object of it was to strengthen me, which was the case.
Even St Therese, the Little flower, right before she was to be professed after all those years of assurance of her vocation, felt tremendous doubt as to whether she had a vocation. And then just before her death, she doubted the love of heaven ...until her moment of death when all was cleared up so profoundly.
Thank you for reminding me today, MC , that these seasons of doubt and sometimes discouragement are sent to strengthen me. Us.
I have decided to try my hand once again at blogging. Please visit my blogger site when you have a chance.

Marie Cecile said...

Thank you for what you wrote, it's not always an easy road to follow when we place our lives in the very hands of God. I'm glad your back to blogging. If I haven't said that for the umpteenth time already.

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