July 03, 2007


Today's reading had me thinking about all the times I doubted. Doubted myself and my capabilities, doubted others and their honesty. Just plain out and out doubted. That meant I was a sinner of great doubt. I'm not proud of the fact that most of my life was spent in the dungeon of doubt. I even doubted what I saw because of my own sins. Yet Thomas was given the grace to have had seen our Lord and touched him to believe that what he went through, dying and rising was truth. We are not always that lucky to have something given to correct a flaw in ourselves. Some are given the grace to have people stand beside them and guide them on their life journey, while many struggle alone. Forever on the outside always looking in. Then there are those who have family that sabotage every step they take. Listening to people talk often reveals much about different families and their lifestyles.

We often see things differently when we hear about what others go through in their life. I have found it interesting that many have doubted something or other. But I always rejoice with them when they recover and find the significance behind the doubt. An old boyfriend of mine seems to have a way of popping in and out of my life and for some reason beyond me, I don't know why he does. This last time had to do with his quitting his job, because the people were not nice there. He called to tell me and to have me gloat at his loss. I was not happy that he quit, I don't rejoice over the fact that another suffers because of people. Yet we live in a world that does exactly that, rejoices in suffering, and creating havoc in peoples lives. You never know what another goes through unless you go through it yourself. He found that out the hard way too what I would say about my job. Well anyway, that was his reason for calling. Other than that I still doubt some things about him. It is a long history. Well it's time to go to work, I hope we all have a blessed and wonderful day.

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