Memories

No one could ever be more surprised than I was when I was praying the Rosary and happen to see the oddest thing. The Monstrance stretched, and from that so did I in my chair. I sat straight up as I was doing a tired slouch. I couldn't help but smile when I saw that, no one else could see it but me. That reminded me when Monsignor Tomichek was at Christ the King Church for one of the retreats he gives there. I don't remember which one it was, but the Monstrance was on the Altar above his head. He was standing directly below when I saw the Monstrance bow three times over his head. At first I thought it was going to fall on him but then it went back up and did it again. I sat there in total awe. I've never seen anything quite like that happen before, the things that I was given to see was tremendous. It was hard for me to come to grips with it. I was questioning myself, because of my own unworthiness. When we don't feel ourselves very worthy when God comes calling upon our hearts, the belief in what he is doing is hard. I think I've mentioned it before anyway about how a sinner feel when God calls.

That reminded me of today's reading with the centurion and the servant. How he had faith in Jesus' healing grace even when he said he wasn't worthy to have Jesus enter his home. But only say the word and the servant shall be healed. What faith! Sometimes I think I didn't love enough or have enough faith to get me where I am today. I do understand one thing though, when I was touched by the Spirit of God by walking through him and feeling him on my eyes the essence of Him. The transformation in my life was something else. The best way to describe it, was going from a fun loving person full of life, to a very devout and serious person filled with the spirit of God and life. It was a dramatic change. I love the Mass, I loved contemplation, I loved everything Holy. I went in search and sought the house of the Lord to see if he was in the houses that put him there.

I prayed and continue to pray till this day. My prayers are not repetitious by nature but a casual conversation with God. With thankfulness for every little thing that comes to me. With the occasional doubt, but even then I call upon our Lord to bring strength in those times to conquer the foe. It is a constant battle to keep from falling, to not let up on God when he never gives up on us. But it is rewarding in the long run.