September 06, 2006

A journey

We had part of the finals last night, and I did okay on mine. Tonight we have two more to go. It went by so fast, this whole year. When I recalled the beginning of school and how getting through was going to be, I look back now and I'm amazed. For close to three years so much has happened to change my life, when everything seemed to go against what I was experiencing. I am now taking a look back and realize more than ever God's hand in the direction my life has been taken.

It wasn't just the fact that he called my heart, it was the removal of useless junk, such as worry over whether or not I have insurance or anything else. The best way to explain is the fact that I did worry, even after. For almost three years I have been without health insurance, and I am a diabetic. Any normal person would worry about this too, but as time took it's toll and my faith grew so much stronger, the path that I was being led on began to take root. It was on this journey, that I began to fear less, and began to put complete trust in God for all my needs.

I don't worry about tomorrow, or today for that matter. I don't worry about the medicine I need or how to pay for gas or anything else. The lesson I learned from having so much removed from my life was freedom to devote more of myself to him. When we have much in our life even when we have God, we often put the other stuff first without realizing we do.

For me it was his way of saying I am taking care of you, your worries are mine. There was something I once asked him after a serious bout of illness, will you be the one to take care of me when no one else is in my life. This was after the first experience too. It was strange because I began finding that is when he started directing my life with his hand. No one will ever understand what went on in my heart and thoughts during that time. It has taken me a while just to see how powerful he has done things in my life as it is.

I have no regrets, but most of all I have a peace deep within that I have never had in my life as I do now. What I worried about once before, is no longer, nor is there a deep concern on how I will survive. I think as I have grown deeper in God's love, the less I seek of the world and what it can give. This I suppose is a good thing then, writing about what transpires in my life.

It has helped me to see things in a different perspective, and to realize that what I once sought after is not what I seek today as I did five years ago or longer. What I have found is the longing of my heart to be ever nearer to God. How deeply I long for the intimacy of my soul to be touched by his constant love. To be so close that nothing and no one would ever separate us. Nothing in this life is worth anything. He has given me the greatest riches a person could ever receive, that of his love. He is my treasure.

2 Words of Wisdom:

ccheryl said...

Soulful Longings. The deer panting after the waterbrooks. The daily search, yearning,craving and thirst for a deeper more profound love for God....FROM God.
Ironic...the more we get, the more we desire. Unfathomable Love! Divine Presence.
I hear what you are saying.

Marie Cecile said...

The desire of the soul, how true, what you said, the more we receive, the more we desire. I have found that when I received his Divine love in a very tangible way, the more I have longed for this. There were times when I felt completely abandoned and lost, but then that is when he is so much more nearer. The times when I felt the most spectacular glow, then I know the longings of my heart have been quenched by his loving touch.

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