Above All

Last night at school, the conversation before class was about Religious Life. We were talking about the possibility of people entering different communities. Such as active life verses a contemplative life. And a few voiced their opinion about the cloistered life and how they thought it was unfair that they could no longer see their families. Some speculated to the point that they felt this was cultish. Just like the Catholic Church warns about such cults that remove a person from their family. I didn't know what to say, or how to answer. The man I used to see said the same thing about the Catholic faith and the Religious Life. He too thought it was a cult. Not a nice one by his view. But defend it I did. He didn't like the fact that I loved someone other than him. Oh well. I'm happy for it though. Why is it non Catholics look at the Religious Life such as a cloister, a cult. Don't they realize that these people devote themselves to prayer. But all Religious are called to do the same thing, prayer. I pray and talk to God all day, I keep quiet to let him speak in his way, and I live on the outside doing what God asks of me. I see people, talk with them, I offer what I can do for others through whatever means I have, whether it be a kind word or a helping hand, and if I had the other I would give that too. But then again, I do give what I do not have. If someone needs it and I have some with me I offer it. So I can't say I don't give. I used to worry about that, not being able to give. It's funny, but when I was seeing the one that turned my life upside down, he made a comment about my making more money and how it changes people. You know something it didn't change me, I gave more. I didn't realize that. I didn't live by it and I didn't save it either. Does it make a difference in my happiness, no. Why am I writing about it then, well it affects people way too much. It rules people, and people use it for the wrong purposes. But that is my opinion, anyway. There are times though that I often think that I managed my affairs so poorly that it was taken away. But it wasn't that at all. I worked every chance that I could, and even took on an extra job. I did overtime when it was asked and when it wasn't. Such as mandatory. I worked to the point that I gave up being with my family, and going to family functions. When we got together recently, the conversations were about the occasions I was not there. When I fell sick, my life changed, I also found I needed to change how I was working.

God has a way of waking us up to our own sinfulness. Even though I was given a wake up call, I was being spoken too long before. I was listening, but not in the way I should have. It's called life was in the way. I was busy living my life my way. I'm not ashamed to admit where I went wrong, if it would show others that it's not the way to God. No matter how much I have loved God all my life and had many experiences when at Mass, I still underwent a transformation. It was a gradual one. I am deeply thankful for God's love and his pulling me out of the fire. Because I was causing my own destruction with my behavior with someone I did not belong with. If anything sin causes many hurts and freedom from them is so liberating. That any small thing now is huge and a need to purify is automatic. This is wanting to be one with God and not separating myself from him. It is keeping a heart clean for his dwelling place. I never want to go back to sin or causing any hurt to God. He is love beyond love, he gives so much to keep us with him. It is always in the smallest acts that he gives when we look for it. For me sometimes it's finding a four leaf clover, or seeing a deer, when sighting them is scarce. Or seeing a falcon flying overhead. Just so many things to that occur in a day can give us so much of his response to delight us. Sometimes it's the beauty of a song, or the smile and kindness of a stranger.