June 30, 2006

Last night we had a mock job interview at school. We had to dress for the part and actually go through the process. I didn't realize how hard it is to do an interview with someone you know. But that will teach me to do better the next time. One thing I learned out of all of us one ended up getting mock hired all because she was able to bull poop her way through the interview. I guess being yourself does not count, being honest is not a good thing. Interviewers want BS more than anything. That's sad, then.

I had a hard time selling myself, I didn't know what to say. For me speaking with others is sometimes hard, my people skills are not up there. And knowing that, I need to develop that better. I sit here and wonder what happened to those skills in the first place. But when I spoke to my old Boss, he gave me a plus. So in a way they are there, but somehow, I faltered in them.

Then I think about all that is going on and God's way of touching my life so deeply, then I realize that He is the one I am focusing on first, not myself, not anyone else. And it used to be I focused on others first, to give so much of myself, that I neglected me. Then I look back and think, what have I done in my life that would even merit God's love. But from childhood until now I have loved him deeply. I remember wanting to have my picture taken dressed as a nun when I was a kid in Parochial school. Did that mean that even at that age I knew where I wanted to go. I lost a part of me that made me feel unworthy to be God's.

Was I affected, yes, but God was with me everyday, even when I didn't know it. He gave me the strength to walk each day with hope in my heart. He gave me his love for all time. And because I wanted him to be so much a part of my life, that I would give him what he would ask of me. As the story of the prodigal son reminds me, I was welcomed back.

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