April 21, 2006

Fish for All Time

In today's reading there was a part that said in like manner the fish, I recalled a moment when I looked out the window in the middle of the night and saw the symbol of the fish on snow. For me I realized something important, that with the Eucharist and the fish symbol, he was revealing himself to me. At the time I was full of questions myself, "who are you." Until today I didn't realize the significance until I read it. But yes, when I discerned what I was seeing, I asked who are you, and I received his answer in a most Glorious way, via his fish symbol. Not just that one time either but many times after. Was I doubting, yes. Afterward from the beginning moment my life began to change. I had a very good paying job, I was doing ok after my set back with my health, then after the new year began many things started to happen. In June my department was eliminated, from there all went down hill, while my faith gained in strength. But doubts I did have. I wondered what he was doing, where was I headed, did I sin that bad to have all taken away even when I knew he forgave me. Yet all through these trials my faith did not falter. I began to realize that my love for God has always been my strength, all my life. That whenever I encountered trouble I always sought Him, even when I was joyous I always spoke to him for the many kindnesses, up to the point of thanking him for winning a dollar on a scratch ticket. I never once thought I was special enough to merit this type of grace, but receive it I did. Today as I recall the things he has done, I realize that never in a million years could I have ever imagined something as profound as Jesus showing me himself and verifying it. There is no doubt about the love in my heart for God. It was the errors in my life that prevented me from seeing his love.

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